Parenting Advice Needed

I need advice regarding a problem which I was made aware of this afternoon. Vika exposed a secret about Eamon, something he is ashamed of and which we have said would stay just within the family, to her classmates at school in an effort to embarrass and bully him. Sadly it worked, and now kids at school are making fun of Eamon as well. I'm so upset with her, and extremely sad that Eamon now has to endure teasing about something which he really cannot help.

I've told Vika how people need to feel safe in a family and how she has made Eamon feel unsafe by telling his secret to kids at school. I've also told her that words can never be taken back and how disappointed I am with her for lashing out at her brother in that way. But it seems there needs to be some bigger consequence for this so that it will never occur again.

How would you deal with a situation like this? Anything you can think of that would have a lasting impact? And for the more bloodthirsty of you out there, beating her with a stick is not an option.

Meet Merripen

He's our new house elf. Only he doesn't cook or clean for us as the house elves from Harry Potter do. He's more of a scout, watching the kids and reporting both their good deeds and bad back to Santa.

On Thanksgiving, my step-father, Ed, presented an "Elf on the Shelf" to all 4 of the "big kids" (my brother, step-sister, step-brother and I) to share with our families. It was a bit emotional as he talked of this tradition he wanted us to start with our kids and keep going to remember him and mom after they're gone. A bit maudlin really, but the gesture was appreciated, nonetheless. The elf came with a storybook, which the kids and I read last night, and at the end were instructions to choose a name for the elf.

The kids’ first choice was "Willy," after the elf in "Fred Claus." Personally, I hate that name, so I told the kids that "Willy" was another name for a boy's private parts, and suitably horrified, they dropped the name from contention. (I know, I'm a terrible parent). Then, on the way home from Mom and Ed's, Eamon said, "How about we name the elf Jon Stewart?"

I think my heart grew a little bigger for the boy at that point. ;)

Finally, after some more discussion, I suggested "Merripen." Jeff and Vika both liked the name right away, but Eamon was still pushing for Jon Stewart. However, when I explained that Merripen sounds a bit like "Merry Christmas" and reminded me of the hobbit Merry from "The Lord of the Rings," Eamon decided he liked it too, and thus, our elf was named.

Here's how the elf works. He arrives around Thanksgiving and observes your kids until Christmas Eve. Each night, he flies back to Santa in the North Pole and gives his report. The next day, the elf is sitting in a different spot than he was before, showing that he did indeed move during the night.

The kids already love this idea. This morning, Eamon rushed down to find where Merripen was sitting today. He and Vika are in a bit of a competition to see who can find him first each morning. Vika, ever the clever girl, is writing letters to Santa and hiding them around the house. She whispers to Merripen where they are hidden so that if he is truly magical, he can take them back to the North Pole each night. If he's not magical, she thinks that she'll catch Jeff and I in some elaborate holiday conspiracy, thus proving her suspicions that Santa doesn't really exist. Hopefully we'll manage to stay one step ahead of her (and since Eamon can't keep a secret, we can probably get him to rat out her hiding places).

And so, a new holiday tradition for our family is born. Hopefully it is one we will carry on, long after our children abandon their status as "believers."

Food and Family

Last night was our 2nd annual Fall Feast. You may remember last year's Fall Feast, when I frantically tried to cook a turkey to Martha Stweart's specifications and wound up with a nearly black, dried out bird. Actually it wasn't that bad. But it wasn't that good either. Thankfully, this year Jeff cooked the turkey, while the kids and I assisted with the blue corn bread stuffing and sweet potato pie. We also had broccoli and Gruyere gratin, cranberry sauce, and Yukon Gold mashed potatoes (which were heavenly).

To top it all off, Ali joined us for the Fall Feast, and the five of us had a really nice time. Vika and Eamon were both positively giddy when they found out that Ali would be joining us. Vika even commented that "We haven't had dinner with Ali like this in about 5 years!" It has really only been 2 years, but to a kid, I guess that seems like an eternity.

Since the Sweet Potato Pie took a bit longer to cook than we anticipated, the bird was put into the oven late. Which meant that we had about an hour and a half to kill. So, we put our new "Star Trek" blu-ray into the player and the five of us squished onto the couch to watch. Ali hadn't seen it before, and the kids have seen it about 7 times now, so they were quick to educate her on the ways of Star Trek. Whenever Spock did the Vulcan Salute, Vika and Eamon silently raised their hands and did the Vulcan Salute back to the TV. Ali was sandwiched between the two of them, looking at me with a "What the hell is this?" expression on her face. But by the end of the movie, Vix and Eames had her doing the Vulcan Salute too.

It was a fun evening, and the first time we've hung out with Ali alone in about 3 years (she usually brings a friend). Hopefully this will happen more in the future and our relationship with her will gradually be repaired.

Sibling Rivalry

The best part about this sign, which is hung on Vika's door, is the little drawing at the bottom. Vika is shouting "Out!" to Eamon, and he's giving her this evil "ha ha ha!" laugh.

She does have a flare for the dramatic.

Guest Posting at Life of Elle

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, and to honor families that have come together through adoption, Elle (of Sweet Hope fame) has invited several of us to be guest posters on her blog. My post is up today (click here to read it). Another adoptive parent, Suzanne, (a wonderful mother whom I wish I was more like!) also wrote a post, which you can read here.

Elle will be featuring guest posts all month long, so check her blog, Life of Elle, regularly to read others' stories of adoption.

Happy Metcha' Day!

Four years ago today, we first met Vika and Eamon at their orphanages in Murmansk, Russia. Metcha' Day is a big deal in our home. Every year we hold a Metcha' Day feast, where we share Russian dishes with family and watch the video from our first trip to Russia. And each year I marvel at how much the kids have grown and relive some of the emotions going through me that November 8th in 2005.

For those of you who are not adoptive parents, Metcha' Day is kind of like the day you gave birth to your child. An adoption labor lasts for months - preparing documents, going through background and psychiatric checks, waiting for a referral, and for some, the disappointment of having to decline or losing a referral. Then there is the trip to Russia, which is both exciting and exhausting. Finally, as you sit in a dingy orphanage waiting room, after a year of "paper pregnancy," your child walks in and you see him/her for the first time. You get to see the way they move and hear their voice. You get to hold and interact with them for the first time and learn how they feel and smell. It is an amazing event that will never, ever be forgotten. After months of waiting and planning and wondering, there your child is, in the flesh, and you know your life will never be the same again.

Here is our music montage video from our first trip to Russia. Most of you have seen this before, but it's kind of become a tradition to re-post it every year. Happy Metcha' Day Vika and Eamon!

It's the Season for Sweet Hope

Each year, Elle's Sweet Hope organization holds a fundraiser to help orphans worldwide. Elle makes up batches and batches of truffles - in a variety of flavors - and proceeds from the sales go directly to orphanages across the globe. This year she's added caramels to her list of gourmet candies, and this year I am serving as a volunteer sales person.

I have a whole box of samples to give people a taste of just how good these truffles really are. I'm also practicing a tremendous amount of restraint in not eating the whole lot myself! Because I've done that before. But it's OK because I'm eating chocolate for a good cause, right? Well, you can too. If you're someone I see in real life, feel free to ask for a sample. If not then, please click on the Sweet Hope image above to get to the website, where you can purchase a box of truffles for your family. The candy will be on sale from November 9-27th, and will ship out on December 16th, just in time for the holidays.

Please help us make life a little sweeter for children living in orphanages all over the world.