Some tips from Supernanny
Jeff and I love Supernanny. I actually started watching the show when I was doing my student teaching, because her ideas about tone of voice, getting down to kids' levels when talking with them, and giving consequences after just 1 warning really helped out with my classroom management skills.
Jeff also began watching the show with me so that we could get some ideas on strategies to use with our own kids once we got them home. While many of Supernanny's strategies may not be the best for newly adopted kids or children with attachment issues, some of her ideas have been pretty effective in our household and I thought I would share them with you.
1. Routine Chart: This chart was amazingly helpful, especially during our first few months of parenthood. We laid out the day, using both words and pictures, so Vika and Eamon could see what they should be doing right now, and what they could expect to happen next. We also made little velcro "heads" for each child, which they could move on the chart as they completed each part of their routine.
2. Anger Management Chart: In Supernanny, this was actually a bad words chart, but since
that is not a problem in our household, we modified it to suit our needs. We gave Vika and Eamon tokens for behaviors that we wanted to remove from their “repertoire.” Each child starts out with 4 tokens per behavior. They lose a token each time they do the undesirable behavior, and at the end of the week, we give little rewards for the amount of tokens kept on their chart (usually something from the “Mama & Papa Store”). This chart, along with constant coaching on words they can use to express their anger, have made a huge difference. Eamon no longer spits at us when he is angry - hallelujah! - and often will say, "I'm angry Mama!" instead of screaming or hitting to "help" me to understand how frustrated he is feeling.
3. TV Time: This strategy we actually got from Nanny 911. The principle is that kids earn TV time for doing their chores and “must do’s”. Our kids love to watch TV and could easily sit in front of the tube for hours. This strategy both gave us a positive incentive to encourage them to do their chores, and it also helped us to limit TV time without the usual tantrums and ugliness. Now they know that they are responsible for how much TV they get to watch, and with our point system, that time is easily limited to less than an hour per day.
4. Circle of Praise: This was an excellent idea from Supernanny, and our kids absolutely love it! How the strategy works is that the entire family sits in a circle facing each other, and then you go around the circle, saying something you love about each person and offering praise. We added a little chant to this to make it more of a game, and it is a fun “topping off” activity that we do when things around the house are getting a little hectic.
5. Hugging Freeze Tag: Hugging Freeze Tag was on this week's episode of Supernanny, and she used it to encourage displays of affection in a family that was much more accustomed to hitting and yelling. One person is it, and he/she chases the rest. When you are tagged, you have to freeze until another player comes over and releases you. The only way you can release people from their frozen state is by giving them a hug and a kiss. I loved this idea and thought it would be a great game for kids who are not used to receiving hugs and kisses, and may be uncomfortable with showing affection.
One other strategy we use, which works well for older kids who have acquired the English language is "the speaking chair." One person, the speaker, sits on our overstuffed chair, and the rest of us sit on the "listening couch." The person on the chair can speak their mind about anything they want, and the rest of us listen attentively, without challenging them or defending ourselves. This strategy has really helped to open up communication in the house, and sets aside a place where people can feel really safe to speak their minds.
Supernanny has had other ideas for behavior management , which sadly, have not worked as well in our household. For example, I still cannot find a way to encourage the kids to clean their rooms without throwing a fit. We've tried music, "cleaning wizard" hats (a silly hat for them to wear only when they are cleaning), tag-team cleaning, etc. Nothing seems to work.
Do any of you have tips for stopping the room-tidying insanity? Also, are there any other parenting strategies that you have learned which seem to work really well?
UPDATE: I tried "no dramas" 10 minute time frame along with Jen's match system last night, and the room cleaning went beautifully! Thanks for the help! You guys succeeded where Supernanny did not. Jo Frost, you're on notice! :)
Jeff also began watching the show with me so that we could get some ideas on strategies to use with our own kids once we got them home. While many of Supernanny's strategies may not be the best for newly adopted kids or children with attachment issues, some of her ideas have been pretty effective in our household and I thought I would share them with you.
1. Routine Chart: This chart was amazingly helpful, especially during our first few months of parenthood. We laid out the day, using both words and pictures, so Vika and Eamon could see what they should be doing right now, and what they could expect to happen next. We also made little velcro "heads" for each child, which they could move on the chart as they completed each part of their routine.2. Anger Management Chart: In Supernanny, this was actually a bad words chart, but since
that is not a problem in our household, we modified it to suit our needs. We gave Vika and Eamon tokens for behaviors that we wanted to remove from their “repertoire.” Each child starts out with 4 tokens per behavior. They lose a token each time they do the undesirable behavior, and at the end of the week, we give little rewards for the amount of tokens kept on their chart (usually something from the “Mama & Papa Store”). This chart, along with constant coaching on words they can use to express their anger, have made a huge difference. Eamon no longer spits at us when he is angry - hallelujah! - and often will say, "I'm angry Mama!" instead of screaming or hitting to "help" me to understand how frustrated he is feeling.3. TV Time: This strategy we actually got from Nanny 911. The principle is that kids earn TV time for doing their chores and “must do’s”. Our kids love to watch TV and could easily sit in front of the tube for hours. This strategy both gave us a positive incentive to encourage them to do their chores, and it also helped us to limit TV time without the usual tantrums and ugliness. Now they know that they are responsible for how much TV they get to watch, and with our point system, that time is easily limited to less than an hour per day.
4. Circle of Praise: This was an excellent idea from Supernanny, and our kids absolutely love it! How the strategy works is that the entire family sits in a circle facing each other, and then you go around the circle, saying something you love about each person and offering praise. We added a little chant to this to make it more of a game, and it is a fun “topping off” activity that we do when things around the house are getting a little hectic.
5. Hugging Freeze Tag: Hugging Freeze Tag was on this week's episode of Supernanny, and she used it to encourage displays of affection in a family that was much more accustomed to hitting and yelling. One person is it, and he/she chases the rest. When you are tagged, you have to freeze until another player comes over and releases you. The only way you can release people from their frozen state is by giving them a hug and a kiss. I loved this idea and thought it would be a great game for kids who are not used to receiving hugs and kisses, and may be uncomfortable with showing affection.
One other strategy we use, which works well for older kids who have acquired the English language is "the speaking chair." One person, the speaker, sits on our overstuffed chair, and the rest of us sit on the "listening couch." The person on the chair can speak their mind about anything they want, and the rest of us listen attentively, without challenging them or defending ourselves. This strategy has really helped to open up communication in the house, and sets aside a place where people can feel really safe to speak their minds.
Supernanny has had other ideas for behavior management , which sadly, have not worked as well in our household. For example, I still cannot find a way to encourage the kids to clean their rooms without throwing a fit. We've tried music, "cleaning wizard" hats (a silly hat for them to wear only when they are cleaning), tag-team cleaning, etc. Nothing seems to work.
Do any of you have tips for stopping the room-tidying insanity? Also, are there any other parenting strategies that you have learned which seem to work really well?
UPDATE: I tried "no dramas" 10 minute time frame along with Jen's match system last night, and the room cleaning went beautifully! Thanks for the help! You guys succeeded where Supernanny did not. Jo Frost, you're on notice! :)
Cleaning your room is the worst job ever. Even now, I would rather clean my whole house than my room.
As for ideas, maybe put tidy room for 10 minutes into their daily routine. That way its not a seperate chore, but something that needs to be done.
I love some of your ideas tho, and will tell Mum about them as they will be helpful with her bajillion kids :)
Great ideas! Especially the routine chart. I think I need that for all of my kids.
The thing that always helped my kids clean their room is if I went in there with them and I would match whatever they did. So if they picked up a toy then I would. They thought it was a fun game.
Thanks for the suggestions! I'll try matching method with the kids this afternoon. I do have time set aside on their routine for cleaning the room, but it has been kind of open-ended. Maybe if I do a set time of 10 or 15 minutes a day, the chore wouldn't seem so staggering.
I could have written your post! lol I thing why supernanny works so well is that she boosts self esteem, gets rid of negative behaviour and has realistic age appropriate consequences. Children NEED limits and routines and too often parents move the goal posts so kids don't know what their limits are. I think it is really really wrong not to follow through with a consequence for a child, unfair actually.
Re cleaning what I did with princess and sweet pea was this.
Princess HATED getting up in the morning, it really stressed her out. So, I kind of wanted to limit what she needed to do in the morning. I figured if she went to bed with a clean room, with everything ready for the morning, it would be less stressful. So, they both loved our evening reading (we were ready to start reading around 7:15 and would read for 30 min) so, because they looked forward to reading, we did a 10 min clean up each evening before reading time. I purposely would say 'let's get your room ready for the morning before reading time' so that it wasn't seen as a negative, i.e. clean your room seemed overwhelming because what did they need to do to clean it? They understood what it meant to have it ready for the morning - toys away, clothes ready for the morning, laundry in the laundry basket etc.
I also helped them on Saturday mornings have a more thorough clean up. We would spend about 30 min and sort through toys, school work etc. We did it before we headed out to karate, so again there was an incentive.
What started out as a problem, with some positive language, consistency (every day we attended to their room) and help became a non issue!
Thanks for posting this! These are some fantastic ideas. I'm a supernanny fan also.
Great ideas, thanks! Have you seen the new show on TLC called "The house of tiny terrors"? It has a different slant but the same idea...helping parents to learn how to better discipline and love their children. It just started recently. Tonight was the 4th night of a 6 night episode.