Four Feet More

Sometimes kids with traumatic backgrounds, like mine, find it difficult to deal with too many good things happening at once. They do a form of "sabotaging" with their actions, making life chaotic or unhappy. I think this is because they lived so long with chaos and unhappiness that it has become almost comfortable to them now. They think that the good times can't possibly last, and by sabotaging, they feel a bit more in control of when the good times end.

Such is the case with Vika (although she has gotten better). On Saturday, Vika had a big day. Mom and Ed took her on a birthday shopping spree and then they went to lunch at Texas Roadhouse (Vika loves ribs). Afterward, she and I went to the Kenny Chesney concert with Laurie. That was a lot of fun by the way. Kenny puts on a really good show and so did Lady Antebellum. We were surrounded by girls in Daisy Dukes and cowboy boots. In San Francisco, on the bay at night. I was more than a little amused to see those same girls shivering in the cold night air. But at least they looked cute! ;) When Kenny made his entrance (on a type of chair which swung above the audience on cables), Vika's eyes lit up. She stood on her chair and danced, a happy smile brightening her face. The three of us had a great time, and Vika chatted happily as we walked back to the car later that night (we left a bit early because the other concert-goers were getting very drunk, and I didn't want to leave the parking lot at the same time they did). It was a great bonding experience, and we agreed that Vika and I need to do Girls' Night Out more often.

Then yesterday, everything went to hell. Vika woke up grumpy and irritable. She refused to do her morning chores (making bed, brushing teeth, etc.) and pretty much fought us all day long. She yelled at me, calling me rude for asking her to sort her dirty laundry. She deliberately ignored me when I asked her to clean up the toothpaste she smeared on the bathroom counter. And when I asked her if she was going to clean her room, she looked at me with raised eyebrows and said, "No!" All in all, we had an extremely uncooperative little girl. So Jeff and I decided to be uncooperative right back and even ignore her requests, just to show her what it was like. When she asked me for something, I responded, "I have a little girl who has shown me that words are not important" and then I would go back to my task. When lunchtime came, she had to make her own (to get a rise out of me, she had 3 plates full of Lays Potato Chips - I did not take the bait, but did say that I hoped they didn't give her a stomach ache).

After some time of this, Jeff and I talked a bit with Vika about how words and cooperation are important, especially in a family. She continued her downward spiral and went outside, crying and saying how she wishes she wasn't in our family. Jeff and I both kept our calm, and her drama mostly played out. Eamon and I went to my mom's house and Vika stayed home with Jeff to finish cleaning her room (she had kind of decided that she was going to cooperate by this time).

A couple hours later, Eamon and I returned home, and Vika came running down the stairs, all smiles to greet us. She said she had cleaned her room and showed me the nails she had painted with her new pedicure kit (hot pink with white flowers). I noticed that there was a blue stain on her shirt and hands, but didn't have time to ask her about it before she ran upstairs with Eamon. However, a couple minutes later, she came back down, complaining that her stomach was hurting really bad. I thought it was all the potato chips she had for lunch, but then noticed the blue stain again and saw some blue around her mouth. In growing alarm I asked, "Vika, what else did you eat? What made your mouth all blue?"

It turns out that she had made a "scientific concoction", using the Cool Blue kids Listerene in the bathroom, some water and chalk, and had drank 1/3 of a cup of it. I ran upstairs and quickly retrieved the bottle which said to call Poison Control immediately and seek medical attention if more than a little bit is swallowed. Hands shaking in panic, I sat a crying Vika down by the toilet while Jeff called Poison Control. They asked questions such as was she still breathing and conscious (yes), was she vomiting (no), and how long ago did she drink the Listerene (about 10 minutes). The dispatcher at Poison Control sent an ambulance and within 2 minutes our dining room was filled with paramedics and firefighters examining Vika and checking her vital signs. They seemed a bit amused by the situation, which lessened my panic somewhat and helped calm us down (poor Eamon had been pacing the floor saying, "I don't like this Mama!"). After reading the ingredients in the bottle and hanging with Vika for a while, the paramedics felt it was OK for her to stay at home and get some rest. If she began vomiting or her condition seemed to worsen, we were to call them back or take her to the hospital for further attention.

It was a dramatic climax to an awful day for Vika. Her stomach still hurting, Vika laid down and I sat by her, torn between wanting to give comfort and wanting to scold her for doing something so stupid! We have had many family talks about how you "don't drink what's under the sink," and when we got the Children's Listerene specifically, we had another discussion about how you don't swallow it. So, although I decided to offer comfort instead of scolding, I was more than a little angry at my daughter. Vika looked up at me with sad eyes and said, "I don't ever want to leave this family! And I don't want to die."

Perhaps this was the "Significant Emotional Event" that will encourage Vix to start to change her behavior. So far this morning she's been a bit more cooperative, and I know it will be an ongoing process for many more years. But if something good came out of last night's poisoning scare, I'll take it!