A Lesson in Apologizing - Thank You Tiger Woods

Wednesday, March 03, 2010 by Jenni
Let's face it.  Tiger Woods has made some horrendous choices lately and has more than his share to apologize for.  If you watched his live apology (I didn't) or read about it later (which I did), it may have been enlightening to you how he apologized.  Not the exact words, per se, but the format.  As if there were rules he was following when composing his mea culpa.  This is what I learned from Tiger's apology:

A sincere apology must have 3 parts:
  1. Honestly admit what you did.
  2. Explain why it was wrong (including who it hurt and why).
  3. Give a "plan of action" to show that what you did will not happen again.
I'm told this is classic 12-step-program procedure, but never having gone through such a program, I hadn't  really thought about it before.  It seems so logical though.  I know when someone simply says "I'm sorry," I often don't feel that they really understood why what they did was wrong.  With my kids especially, the words "I'm sorry" are more of a way to get out of a lecture or move on from a situation, rather than a sincere acknowledgment that what they did was wrong.  So, we have now instituted the 3-step apology rule in our house.  Vika and Eamon groan about it, but you know what?  I think it has made them much more reflective about how their actions and words affect others.  Hopefully this will eventually result in them thinking about potential outcomes before they act, rather than atoning for them afterward.

I know.  Best of luck with that.  But at this point, I'll try anything to get them past their "It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission" mindset.
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5 Responses
  1. Sandi Says:
    3:51 PM

    Let's hope they never have quite as much to apologize for as Tiger! Oh, and good luck with that.


  2. Mellodee Says:
    4:27 PM

    And also hope that whatever they do in life never becomes fodder for our voracious media! They are vultures, you know!

    (The media, not your kids!!) :>)


  3. Maggie Vink Says:
    6:54 PM

    Love this. I kind of do this already, but it's SO being formalized now.

    This post, by the way, if fleshed out a bit and written to an audience who doesn't necessarily know your family would be a perfect guest post on ChatterKid. (hint, hint).


  4. johnsonweider Says:
    5:45 AM

    We require something similar, though I don't think we've ever really thought about the actual steps involved - great points. If we're feeling particularly in need of reinforcing the point, we have them write out their apologies, which does seem to have more of an effect.


  5. Maggie Says:
    5:03 PM

    Okay. Slugger screwed up in a BIG way tonight. And he's showing no remorse for what he did and is pretty ticked off about his logical consequences. So I went over this with him. Tomorrow, I'm posting the three steps on the fridge. In the future, he'll have a chance to think about it and apologize sincerely according to the three steps. If he doesn't do so, he'll have to fill out a sheet with the same three steps. (That's pretty similar to the responsible thinking program he has at school, actually.) Fingers crossed that it has some effect.


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