Feeling Restless
I've always had a bit of a wandering spirit, but lately, my need to be somewhere else has become nearly all-consuming. We've lived in our current house for 11 years now. It was supposed to be our "starter home" where we would live for 5 years or so and then upgrade to a larger house. That was the plan, but life kind of got in the way. With the expenses related to adopting and career changes for both Jeff and myself, it seems that we've been in "survival mode" for the last 5 years. I'm ready to move on.
Our hometown is not what it was when I moved here nearly 25 years ago. The population has changed so much, and many of the people I went to school with have moved away. Our neighborhood has become increasingly transient, with families moving to the area so their kids can attend the elementary school (a California Distinguished School), and then moving away when their kids hit 6th grade. At that time, they relocate to the area where my high school is. While it was a decent school when I attended in the early 90's, it is now one of the top 50 high schools in the nation, and families flock to the homes surrounding it, even if they cost $900K for a 4 bedroom fixer-upper.
The result of all this moving around and total focus on academics is a community that is highly fractured. The students at Vika and Eamon's school aren't really the type to hang out and play after school. So many of them do homework (and extra homework provided by their parents) before attending piano lessons or badminton practice. They are over-scheduled and in many cases secluded from simple childhood pleasures. One day after Spring Break Vika told me how she mentioned to a friend that she and Eamon had climbed trees and gone puddle jumping during their vacation, and her friend had no idea what she was talking about. She was not allowed to climb trees or jump in puddles, and had never even been on a picnic! Eamon said no one else in his class had ever climbed a tree either. It made me kind of sad. When I asked what their friends did for fun, both Vika and Eamon said they played video games in their room.
It's also quite depressing in our neighborhood during the holidays. On Halloween, we drive to my mom's neighborhood, the next town over, so that Vika and Eamon can experience Trick-or-Treating. When we used to stay here, all the neighbors' lights were out and only one or two groups of teenagers would stop by for candy. During Christmas, only 2 or 3 houses on our street are decorated with lights. I realize a lot of this is due to the fact that many of our neighbors are recent immigrants from Asia and the Middle East. They don't celebrate the same holidays that we do. Unfortunately, since most of the families plan on moving away when their kids enter Jr. High, they don't really invest any time in the community either.
Adding to this lack of neighborly feeling is the daily irritation provided by our next-door-neighbors. To the right we have the incessant-honking-car-alarm-family, who nearly burned their house down but refused to call the fire department for help. To the left we have Pat, one of the few neighbors who has been here longer than us. She lives with her daughter, Andrea, and Andrea's kids Alyssa and Evan. Andrea had Alyssa when she was 15 and has been in jail numerous times for drug and theft convictions. In fact, Evan was born during her last stay in jail - he's now 5 years old. Despite all this, Pat and Andrea are actually nice people, and I know that they would help out our family if ever we needed it. About 6 years ago, when Andrea was still on drugs and had all kinds of strange people hanging around the house, I heard her tell this rough looking guy who was staring me down to "Stop it. They're good to Alyssa. They're alright." And we've never had a problem with any of her friends. However, now Alyssa is 17 and beginning to repeat her mother's mistakes. She has all kinds of sketchy-looking people hanging out in the garage at all hours of the day and night, smoking pot and drinking beer. Among other things, I'm sure. Every night between midnight and 3:30 am, there is yelling in front of the house, and the front door slams constantly. We've talked to Pat and Andrea about it, and the homeowner's association has received other complaints as well. But nothing really changes. So we need to change. It's time to really make moving someplace new a priority.
California is kind of in the toilet, unfortunately. And honestly, even though I've lived here for 25 years, I've never really felt that this is my home. The fact that my teaching job is cut every year and the public school situation is so unstable makes California even less desirable. So Jeff and I are looking to possibly move out of the state, hopefully in the next couple of years. Someplace where the education system is good and housing prices are more reasonable. We are still considering international teaching, but since I don't have a job for next year, I'm not sure if I will be as marketable a candidate for any open positions. We are also seriously looking at the East Coast and parts of the Midwest. It would be a huge change from California, and we would miss our family and friends, but it could be just the kind of change we need.
Does anyone have any suggestions for areas that are family-friendly, with good schools and a nice sense of community? Places where you can see fireworks and maybe even a parade on the 4th of July? Communities where people know their neighbors and occasionally even lend them a cup of sugar? Please, any input is welcome!
Our hometown is not what it was when I moved here nearly 25 years ago. The population has changed so much, and many of the people I went to school with have moved away. Our neighborhood has become increasingly transient, with families moving to the area so their kids can attend the elementary school (a California Distinguished School), and then moving away when their kids hit 6th grade. At that time, they relocate to the area where my high school is. While it was a decent school when I attended in the early 90's, it is now one of the top 50 high schools in the nation, and families flock to the homes surrounding it, even if they cost $900K for a 4 bedroom fixer-upper.
The result of all this moving around and total focus on academics is a community that is highly fractured. The students at Vika and Eamon's school aren't really the type to hang out and play after school. So many of them do homework (and extra homework provided by their parents) before attending piano lessons or badminton practice. They are over-scheduled and in many cases secluded from simple childhood pleasures. One day after Spring Break Vika told me how she mentioned to a friend that she and Eamon had climbed trees and gone puddle jumping during their vacation, and her friend had no idea what she was talking about. She was not allowed to climb trees or jump in puddles, and had never even been on a picnic! Eamon said no one else in his class had ever climbed a tree either. It made me kind of sad. When I asked what their friends did for fun, both Vika and Eamon said they played video games in their room.
It's also quite depressing in our neighborhood during the holidays. On Halloween, we drive to my mom's neighborhood, the next town over, so that Vika and Eamon can experience Trick-or-Treating. When we used to stay here, all the neighbors' lights were out and only one or two groups of teenagers would stop by for candy. During Christmas, only 2 or 3 houses on our street are decorated with lights. I realize a lot of this is due to the fact that many of our neighbors are recent immigrants from Asia and the Middle East. They don't celebrate the same holidays that we do. Unfortunately, since most of the families plan on moving away when their kids enter Jr. High, they don't really invest any time in the community either.
Adding to this lack of neighborly feeling is the daily irritation provided by our next-door-neighbors. To the right we have the incessant-honking-car-alarm-family, who nearly burned their house down but refused to call the fire department for help. To the left we have Pat, one of the few neighbors who has been here longer than us. She lives with her daughter, Andrea, and Andrea's kids Alyssa and Evan. Andrea had Alyssa when she was 15 and has been in jail numerous times for drug and theft convictions. In fact, Evan was born during her last stay in jail - he's now 5 years old. Despite all this, Pat and Andrea are actually nice people, and I know that they would help out our family if ever we needed it. About 6 years ago, when Andrea was still on drugs and had all kinds of strange people hanging around the house, I heard her tell this rough looking guy who was staring me down to "Stop it. They're good to Alyssa. They're alright." And we've never had a problem with any of her friends. However, now Alyssa is 17 and beginning to repeat her mother's mistakes. She has all kinds of sketchy-looking people hanging out in the garage at all hours of the day and night, smoking pot and drinking beer. Among other things, I'm sure. Every night between midnight and 3:30 am, there is yelling in front of the house, and the front door slams constantly. We've talked to Pat and Andrea about it, and the homeowner's association has received other complaints as well. But nothing really changes. So we need to change. It's time to really make moving someplace new a priority.
California is kind of in the toilet, unfortunately. And honestly, even though I've lived here for 25 years, I've never really felt that this is my home. The fact that my teaching job is cut every year and the public school situation is so unstable makes California even less desirable. So Jeff and I are looking to possibly move out of the state, hopefully in the next couple of years. Someplace where the education system is good and housing prices are more reasonable. We are still considering international teaching, but since I don't have a job for next year, I'm not sure if I will be as marketable a candidate for any open positions. We are also seriously looking at the East Coast and parts of the Midwest. It would be a huge change from California, and we would miss our family and friends, but it could be just the kind of change we need.
Does anyone have any suggestions for areas that are family-friendly, with good schools and a nice sense of community? Places where you can see fireworks and maybe even a parade on the 4th of July? Communities where people know their neighbors and occasionally even lend them a cup of sugar? Please, any input is welcome!
Not a fun read on my birthday, but I do understand how you feel. I just hope you move someplace fun so we can come and visit often.
It's been hard for Rita to make friends because the children in her school are very much like you describe ... totally busy with schoolwork and activities.
My hometown - Madison, WI - is very much like what you are looking for. Good schools, neighborhoods ($200K for a nice house) and educated workforce. But it's too small town for me; and the snow in the winter is not fun (as an adult - as a kid, it's great).
I'm so sorry you're feeling so restless right now, but it certainly is understandable. I really don't think you could go wrong anywhere in the Midwest. We've spent a good deal of time in Kansas (the last 20 years or so) and love the overall friendliness and hospitality we find here. Of course, with it comes a true sense of small town. The largest city in Kansas is Wichita at 300,000...I guess it depends on what you're truly looking for. If you want a true small town with brick streets, parades, frog jumping contests and peddle tractor races and hometown fireworks shows on the 4th, we could probably fit the bill. There are actually several small towns right around Kansas City which offer the feeling of small town with access to all of the large city amenities.
Good luck in your search.
Google St. Charles County Missouri
Cities:
St. Peters #60 on Money's best places to live
O'Fallon #26 on Money's best places to live
Lake St. Louis
Dardenne Prairie
Wentzville
Lived here 31 years and it sounds like the type of place you are looking for.
Plus it sounds like the home prices will appear dirt cheap to you. $150,000-$200,000 for a new house.
Long time reader
I think you've got to go mid west. If it were me, who is on the east coast, we'd go up to New Hampshire somewhere. NY has alot of the same issues you're describing plus the taxes are outrageous. I feel your pain. I hope you pick out somewhere nice.
I cannot recommend Iowa enough. I don't live there anymore, but if I could choose anywhere to raise a family, that's where I'd go. If your car is pulled over to the side of the road, half a dozen people will stop to make sure you're okay, ask if you need a jump or a tow truck, or need to borrow their cell phone to call someone. People are friendly and down to earth. Home prices are extremely reasonable and you can get a large house for a price that would get you a shack in California.
I grew up in Ames, about a half hour drive north of the state capital. My family calls Ames the "end-all, be-all" town, we love it that much. It has the feel of a small, old-fashioned town, but the presence of Iowa State University brings a lot of opportunities to it that smaller towns don't generally get. There are lots of arts and cultural opportunities---traveling ballets and operas and plays---things like parades and celebrations. And ISU has a big fair and parade every year called VEISHA. On top of that, the Iowa State Fair is one of the best in the country, and it's only a short drive.
So, I might be biased :), but seriously, you can't go wrong with Iowa or Ames. And the schools are good!
I'm another Wisconsin girl, and I would give it a very high recommendation-except for our winters! The snow and cold can seem interminable at times. But then June and July roll around and I remember why I love living in a suburb of Milwaukee. I'm loving this summer!
Our schools are quite good, and our housing is nothing to scoff at. We have lots of 4th of July parades and fireworks (many displays which can be seen at the same time if you're high enough!) I think Milwaukee is a very friendly place to be.
A Room to Grow is right about Madison, too. I spent 6 years there for college and grad school, and I'd love to live there! It's just that we like being near our families. Madison was just 95th on Money Magazine's list of Top 100 Best Places to Live. (I live in Pewaukee which was voted Best Affordable Suburb in the US in 2009!)
(Sorry this was so long-winded! I kind of like it here, can you tell?)
YES, YES, YES!!! Come to Maryland! It's great here. :) Rockville was just listed as #31 on best places to live by Money Magazine voted http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/bplive/2010/snapshots/PL2467675.html and Montgomery County has GREAT schools and lots and lots of beautiful parks and playgrounds. It's a mild 4-season climate and YOU'D BE NEAR US!!! :) Hey, want to buy our house?
http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/4711-Creek-Shore-Dr_Rockville_MD_20852_1120557039
:)
I know how you feel. I am in the same boat. I was considering the Carolina's beach areas or south of Spain where I will be opening my coffee house. :) But now I have to stay put since I am still employed in the educational field. It is going to be so weird next year.
Long Island, NY is great! However, like a previous poster mentioned the taxes are ridiculous. We lived there for the past 4 years and loved every minute of it. We have a very nice community where there were xmas and halloween get togethers. Lots of cultural parades. Impromptu BBQs and neighbors coming over to borrow sugar and butter. The schools were great and the kids had a good balance of academics and social lives.
We need to get together soon and have lunch so I can also tell you about the drawbacks in hopes that you can make a well informed decision.
I suggest the Triangle - Raleigh, Durham & Chapel Hill, NC. Love it here.