Four Feet More

I've always had a bit of a wandering spirit, but lately, my need to be somewhere else has become nearly all-consuming.  We've lived in our current house for 11 years now.  It was supposed to be our "starter home" where we would live for 5 years or so and then upgrade to a larger house.  That was the plan, but life kind of got in the way.  With the expenses related to adopting and career changes for both Jeff and myself, it seems that we've been in "survival mode" for the last 5 years.  I'm ready to move on.

Our hometown is not what it was when I moved here nearly 25 years ago.  The population has changed so much, and many of the people I went to school with have moved away.  Our neighborhood has become increasingly transient, with families moving to the area so their kids can attend the elementary school (a California Distinguished School), and then moving away when their kids hit 6th grade.  At that time, they relocate to the area where my high school is.  While it was a decent school when I attended in the early 90's, it is now one of the top 50 high schools in the nation, and families flock to the homes surrounding it, even if they cost $900K for a 4 bedroom fixer-upper.

The result of all this moving around and total focus on academics is a community that is highly fractured.  The students at Vika and Eamon's school aren't really the type to hang out and play after school.  So many of them do homework (and extra homework provided by their parents) before attending piano lessons or badminton practice.  They are over-scheduled and in many cases secluded from simple childhood pleasures.  One day after Spring Break Vika told me how she mentioned to a friend that she and Eamon had climbed trees and gone puddle jumping during their vacation, and her friend had no idea what she was talking about.  She was not allowed to climb trees or jump in puddles, and had never even been on a picnic!  Eamon said no one else in his class had ever climbed a tree either.  It made me kind of sad.  When I asked what their friends did for fun, both Vika and Eamon said they played video games in their room. 

It's also quite depressing in our neighborhood during the holidays.  On Halloween, we drive to my mom's neighborhood, the next town over, so that Vika and Eamon can experience Trick-or-Treating.  When we used to stay here, all the neighbors' lights were out and only one or two groups of teenagers would stop by for candy.  During Christmas, only 2 or 3 houses on our street are decorated with lights.  I realize a lot of this is due to the fact that many of our neighbors are recent immigrants from Asia and the Middle East.  They don't celebrate the same holidays that we do.  Unfortunately, since most of the families plan on moving away when their kids enter Jr. High, they don't really invest any time in the community either. 

Adding to this lack of neighborly feeling is the daily irritation provided by our next-door-neighbors.  To the right we have the incessant-honking-car-alarm-family, who nearly burned their house down but refused to call the fire department for help.  To the left we have Pat, one of the few neighbors who has been here longer than us.  She lives with her daughter, Andrea, and Andrea's kids Alyssa and Evan.  Andrea had Alyssa when she was 15 and has been in jail numerous times for drug and theft convictions.  In fact, Evan was born during her last stay in jail - he's now 5 years old.  Despite all this, Pat and Andrea are actually nice people, and I know that they would help out our family if ever we needed it.  About 6 years ago, when Andrea was still on drugs and had all kinds of strange people hanging around the house, I heard her tell this rough looking guy who was staring me down to "Stop it.  They're good to Alyssa.  They're alright."  And we've never had a problem with any of her friends.  However, now Alyssa is 17 and beginning to repeat her mother's mistakes.  She has all kinds of sketchy-looking people hanging out in the garage at all hours of the day and night, smoking pot and drinking beer.  Among other things, I'm sure.  Every night between midnight and 3:30 am, there is yelling in front of the house, and the front door slams constantly.  We've talked to Pat and Andrea about it, and the homeowner's association has received other complaints as well.  But nothing really changes.  So we need to change.  It's time to really make moving someplace new a priority.

California is kind of in the toilet, unfortunately.  And honestly, even though I've lived here for 25 years, I've never really felt that this is my home.  The fact that my teaching job is cut every year and the public school situation is so unstable makes California even less desirable.  So Jeff and I are looking to possibly move out of the state, hopefully in the next couple of years.  Someplace where the education system is good and housing prices are more reasonable.  We are still considering international teaching, but since I don't have a job for next year, I'm not sure if I will be as marketable a candidate for any open positions.  We are also seriously looking at the East Coast and parts of the Midwest.  It would be a huge change from California, and we would miss our family and friends, but it could be just the kind of change we need. 

Does anyone have any suggestions for areas that are family-friendly, with good schools and a nice sense of community?  Places where you can see fireworks and maybe even a parade on the 4th of July? Communities where people know their neighbors and occasionally even lend them a cup of sugar?  Please, any input is welcome!

Remember these stupid essays you had to write whenever you returned to school from a vacation?  I hope Vika and Eamon aren't given this assignment, because their essays would be very boring reading.  Poor kids.  They were cooped up inside practically all week while Jeff and I worked on redecorating our bedroom (a project that was supposed to take one day, two tops, but wound up stretching through the entire week and beyond.  It's still not done).

It all started with our old duvet cover and shams.  Jeff is one of those people who, when he buys something, he really wants to get the most out of it.  Which is why he still drives a 1991 Honda Civic.  But I digress....  He bought this duvet cover the year before we started dating, making it 15 years old.  It was kind of this funky, Middle Eastern style of print, and I always liked it.  But the thing was OLD.  The shams started tearing about a year ago, to the point where I could not sew them back together.  Finally, I convinced Jeff that it was time to buy a new duvet and sham set.  We found a great one on Amazon, and with our Amazon Prime shipping (thanks mom!) we got it in two days.  Love that.

However, the duvet did not match anything in our room.  Nothing really matched in our room.  It was a mish-mosh of things we'd each had since before we knew each other, and random art work that followed no particular theme whatsoever.  In fact, the room was a bit anxiety-provoking, and whenever company was over, we would close the door so no one would see the mess of a hovel in which we slept.

Well, that was all about to change.  We painted the walls a nice, neutral khaki color that went well with our new duvet.  Then we repainted the bed (it is a bed we inherited, which we actually love, but had been painted when we got it, so now must be either repainted to match the room or completely stripped down to the wood - a project much more daunting than either of us wanted to tackle at this time).  Since we didn't have the funding to buy all new bedroom furniture, we decided to tie our existing furniture in to the new decor with accent pieces that pulled out the color in the furniture and the darker brown on the room fixtures and duvet.  The duvet is kind of a tropical print in dark brown and sea-blue that reminds me of this travel show I saw on Bali.  So, we decided to decorate the room with pieces from Indonesia and South East Asia.   It was a great excuse to shop at Cost Plus and Pier One!  I also found some images of Bali and Thailand and printed them out in black and white to hang on the walls in black frames with white mats.   The room is coming together pretty nicely, if I do say so myself.

Now, we just need to finish the closet doors (they are original from when our house was built in the 70's and are much in need of updating).  We're recovering the off-white contact paper that covered the doors with a grass-mat pattern which ties in nicely to the room.

Unfortunately, we did not take any before pictures of the room to show you a comparison of how it has changed.  The room was just too awful before, I couldn't bring myself to document it.  Here are a few "after" pictures I shot, even though we're not done redecorating.

 Here's the new bedspread and the wall hanging we bought.  not sure what to put on either side of it yet, but hopefully we'll find something.

The new wall above my bookcases.  My favorite thing is the elephant teapot, which probably shouldn't be in a bedroom, but I love it!  Also, notice the picture of the Buddha face up above?  I took that on the Jungle Cruise at Disneyworld.  :)

Despite being cooped up in the house all week, the kids did surprisingly well.  There were a few rough patches, to be sure.  But for the most part, it was smooth sailing.  They hung out in our room with us, Vika reading and Eamon tinkering (with legos, transformers, Hotweels, etc.), and in the evening we watched movies to unwind.  It was kind of like a week-long "time-in" for them, and may have been just what we all needed.  Hopefully now that Spring Break is over and we have to get back to our regular school day routine, things won't start getting crazy again.  And hopefully we'll get this dang room done before Summer Vacation!

Jeff and I have been working really hard to stay on track as far as discipline goes.  We've been allowing our kids to make choices and deal with the consequences, without giving them countless reminders about what is the right thing to do.  They know the right thing to do.  We've told them often enough!   But it is really hard to bite my tongue and not say anything when Vika and Eamon don't follow through on doing what we ask.  I've been in the habit of giving repeated reminders and warnings, and I get frustrated when the simplest of requests is ignored.

Adding to my frustration is the fact that things are not getting better, they're getting worse.  This afternoon, for example, the kids gleefully ignored their evening chores, playing loudly upstairs to make sure I knew they were not doing as I asked.  A relatively minor request to put away the chess game was met with groans, name-calling and threats (all directed at me).  There seems to be a lot of anger brewing in our kids right now, and it's definitely taking it's toll.  As I keep my cool and do not react with a raised voice or threats, their anger seems to get worse.  Logically, I know this means that the discipline is working.  They are trying to get me worked up so that they can regain control of the situation.  But emotionally, it's tough.  I've had this knot in my chest all week, and it is hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Some people might say I should just spank my kids and get it over with.  But they have not seen Eamon cower in fear, hiding under his blankets and crying when Jeff raises his voice at Vika.  They haven't heard the matter-of-fact way that Vika says the mamachkas (caregivers) at the orphanage used their shoes to beat kids who misbehaved.  Spanking might produce short-term results, but at what cost? 

And, lest any of you get the idea that we have "bad kids," I assure you that couldn't be farther from the truth.  We have amazing kids!  Kids who survived things in their first few years of life that would bring many adults to their knees.  It's the survival techniques that brought them through those early years that we are dealing with now - many of them just don't work in a family.  So, despite the feeling that we have taken two HUGE steps backwards, Jeff and I are pressing on.  Hopefully we'll figure out soon what has caused this recent downward spiral in our kids' behavior so we can address that underlying issue as well.  It's tough, but I believe the end results will be worth it.

It's been a bit unsettled here lately, and a lot has been going on.  Chalk it up to Spring Fever, or March Madness, but I feel as if we've taken a few big steps back in our household.  I haven't posted in a while, so this one's going to be long.  You have been warned.

It began a few weeks ago when Vika casually mentioned at dinner that she had to turn in her Endangered Species report by Friday or else she would get a D-.  This was the first time Jeff or I were even hearing about this report, so a tiny, yellow flag began to wave in my mind, encouraging me to investigate further.  Vika explained that her teacher has assigned the report the day before and that she only had 3 days to finish it.  By this time, the yellow flag had been replaced with a wildly flapping red one, and I knew that I was not getting the truth.  Vika's teacher generally gives them weeks to complete a report, not days, so I voiced my confusion over why she changed this pattern.  I offered to e-mail her teacher to find out why she wasn't giving them as much time on the report and see what we could work out. A look of panic crossed over Vika's face, and she came up with one excuse after another why I shouldn't contact her teacher.  Finally, I put an end to the game and told her that I didn't think we were getting the truth and that I would like to have it now, please.  It turns out that the report was overdue and that Vika had not only lied to us about it, but to her teacher as well.   While helping Vika look for the report rubric in her room, I also found several incomplete homework assignments in her garbage can.   It was incredibly disheartening, because I thought we had conquered this problem.  Vika has had trouble with homework in the past, but she really seemed to be on it this year, and I thought those days were behind us.

Our new "I'm Sorry Steps" were put to the test when we had Vika write a letter of apology to her teacher.  This consequence seemed to affect Vika more than the restriction from TV and computer (to help her better focus on her school work).  She really likes her teacher and wants Mrs. M to have a good opinion of her.  She asked me several times if I could just e-mail Mrs. M to explain what happened and set up a homework checking system.  But I held firm, repeating that it was her school work and her responsibility, not mine.  And while our trust in Vika has been pretty well eroded by this, I have to say I am proud of how she handled things with her teacher.  She arranged a homework recording system that has to be initialed by both us and Mrs. M, and delivered a well-written note of apology.  Vika seems to be back on track, and hopefully this time, it will stick.

Last weekend, we had another incident occur that threw me for a loop.  On March 10th, Jeff had knee surgery to repair a meniscus tear.  He came through it OK, but has been hobbling around like an old man ever since.  The kids aren't used to seeing him like this (Jeff's very active), and I think it's made them a bit nervous.  On Sunday, things got worse when I became sick.  In a fit of Spring Cleaning, I had scrubbed down my shower with this new tile cleaner, and began to feel quite woozy.  By lunchtime, the room was spinning and I couldn't get out of bed, I was so dizzy.  We desperately needed groceries, so while I took a rest, Jeff limped off to the grocery store, leaving the kids pretty much unattended for an hour.  We all know how that goes, but Vika and Eamon had assured us that they would be safe and take care of me while he was gone.  When Jeff got home, I was feeling a bit less dizzy, so I made my way downstairs for a snack of Saltines and peppermint tea.  Jeff and the kids joined me, and while we ate, Vika, the master of casual asides, mentioned that Eamon had peed in the litterbox and cat area. 

Jeff and I looked at each other in stunned silence.  I mean, really?  We were having urination in the household thrown at us now, more than 4 years after bringing the kids home?   Fortunately, we managed to keep our cool (most likely due to the fact that neither one of us had the energy to get angry).  I looked at Eamon and said, "Wow.  That's surprising.  Well, no worries.  You'll have plenty of time to clean up the cat area before dinner."  A temper tantrum ensued - Eamon was really upset (ashamed?) that he had been caught, and let us know in no uncertain terms how "mean" we were being to him.  All the drama took it's toll, and I began to feel dizzy and nauseous again.  I barely made it upstairs to find that my bedroom door had been closed and locked.  I laid down in front of the door, trying not to get sick again, as Jeff got the key to open it.  Only the key didn't work.  Eamon had tried to pick the lock with a pencil and the lead had broken off in the keyhole.  At this point, Jeff's calm evaporated and a display of anger which has rarely been seen in our house ensued.  Between the pain in his knee, me being so sick, Eamon's misbehavior, and Vika "stirring the pot", it was all just too much.  The kids were sent to bed while I threw up and Jeff regrouped.

Let me just say at this point that ours' is not usually a dramatic household, so Sunday was definitely a wake-up call.  As a parent of children with traumatic backgrounds, I find myself constantly questioning whether their behavior is typical kid stuff, or indicative of lingering issues from their time in the orphanage.  How much is related to attachment or post-traumatic stress, and how much is just kids testing the limits?  I'm not sure I'll ever really figure that out.  This is the only reality I've ever known, and I've got to take it as it is.  One thing is certain though.  As things have seemed to move backwards, Jeff and I have definitely fanned the flames with our increasingly angry reactions.  We've got to work to be more consistent with the Love and Logic approach, even when behaviors catch us off guard.  That's the challenge we now face.

After writing this post, I asked Eames, "So, what was the deal with that whole peeing in the litterbox thing again?"  He replied that he and Vika were playing "cats."  So, I'm feeling better that this was an instance of kids being kids, rather than a PTSD reaction to Jeff and I not being at full capacity.

This morning, while Jeff was out on his run, I dismantled the dang Christmas tree. The kids helped me haul the pieces back into the garage, where we shoved them back into the box. It's not a pretty put-away job, but at least it's done.

Jeff's birthday was this weekend too, on Saturday. We put his gifts under the tree and his cards in the branches. It looked a bit festive, if I do say so myself.

I saw these online and kind of had to have them. They'll go nicely with the matryoshka plates my friend J9 gave to our family for Christmas.

http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=873473&navAction=jump&search=true&parentid=SEARCH_RESULTS

What do you think? Cute, huh?

Actually, I don't think this will be my last impulse buy of 2009. I just read that Season 1 of "Glee" was released today. Heading off to Target now....

This morning, I received a notification in my e-mail that a person named "comcastcares5" had commented on my last post offering assistance in solving my problem. I was thinking about e-mailing him when the phone rang. It was Comcast. Finally, someone was calling to help me fix this mess!

"Hello!" I said, "Is this Comcast?"

The terse voice on the other line said, "Yes it is Ma'am. How are you going to pay?"

"Excuse me?" I asked. Wasn't this the person whom the Comcast Office said was supposed to call me to sort things out? "Where are you calling from?" I asked the agent.

"This is Collections Ma'am." She then explained that my account was past due and that our service had been discontinued. "WHAT???!!!" I shouted, getting really fed up. I explained to her that we had yet to receive a correct bill on our account and that I had been trying for a month to get this corrected.

Her response: "You still need to pay your bill Ma'am."

"But I haven't ever received a correct bill!!!!" I screeched. "The bills say different amounts and accounts each time! How am I supposed to know what to pay, and why didn't the lady at the Comcast office tell me any of this yesterday???!!! Don't you guys talk to each other???!!!"

I mean, really. They're a telecommunications company - can't they communicate better?

The agent responded, "I believe we do Ma'am. Now how did you want to pay your bill?"

At this point I asked her to clarify the charges for me. It seems the discrepancy in her amount and the amount I was told by billing on Friday was due to late fees that had been applied. I protested that it was ridiculous that we were being charged late fees on bills that had been sent to the wrong address and that had incorrect information on them. I also reminded her that I've been trying to get a correct bill for nearly a month and insisted that she remove the late charges.

The agent agreed to credit the late fees to my account, and I paid what I hope was the correct amount for July. I also learned that the $390 one-time service fee had been dropped. The agent then tried unsuccessfully to "reinstate service" for the account. She became confused when the system wouldn't let her reconnect service, and even more befuddled when I said that our service was working fine and had been all day. I explained again that the problem might be because there are 3 accounts open under our name at 2 different addresses. Then I asked her which account/address I had actually paid. Was it our neighbor's service that was disconnected, and did I just pay his bill for July?

At this point the agent began looking at our accounts a little more closely and said, "Oh, this is all messed up!" "Yes it is" I replied. "And I need it fixed TODAY."

"I need to transfer you to Billing so that they can help you."

"NO!!!" I shouted. "DON'T! The Billing Department told me to go to the Comcast Office to get it fixed, and the Comcast Office redirected me to Credit and Collections, and now you're sending me back to Billing!!! I'm getting the run-around, BIG TIME."

The agent said she would see what she could do and put me on hold. By this point, I was ready to spit nails, so I punched out a quick e-mail to Mark (comcastcares5 who commented on my last post). As I was typing, a woman named Diana came on the phone and told me she was getting in touch with a supervisor to sort things out. Slowly I began to relax and feel a bit more positive.

And then my call was disconnected. Lovely.

I finished up my e-mail to Mark (including the part about being disconnected) and gave him my home phone number. Then I sat and waited for Diana to call me back. But after a while I began to think that she might not call, so I picked up the phone and dialed 1-800-COMCAST, pushing all the necessary numbers to try and get back to a live person in the Billing Department. A woman came on the line and began asking me for my account info. As she accessed my account, I could tell that she was trying to make sense of what she was seeing. "It's a mess, right?" I asked. She kind of laughed and I said, "Look, I was just on the phone with a supervisor but got disconnected. Can you please put me through to someone who can help?"

BEEEEEEP - the other line rang, and it was a call from Philadelphia.

"Are you in Philadelphia?" I asked the woman. "What?" she replied, sounding confused. "Are you in Philadelphia? I have a call on the other line and I'm wondering if it's the Comcast supervisor calling me back."

"Well, Ma'am, I don't know. I'm in Wisconsin!" Perfect.

"Can you hang on a minute?" I asked, and then switched over to the other line to see who was calling.

Lo' and behold, it was comcastcares5, Mark! I quickly greeted him and then asked him to hold while I hung up with the agent on the other line. When I switched back over, Mark again apologized for the trouble I was having and said he had contacts in my area who could help out. He said he would have someone give me a call today to address the issue. "When can they call me?" I asked. The question seemed to catch Mark by surprise, but hey, I have things to do, and I can't really hang around the house all day! Mark asked, "Where are you located?" (which I found a little strange since he said he knew contacts in my area) I told him we were in California, and when he started speaking again, I heard a strange, high-pitched noise, and we were disconnected. *sigh*

BEEEEEEP - another call coming through on the other line.

Since Mark got disconnected, I switched over, and was surprised to hear Diana's voice. "Diana!" I exclaimed with joy (this was all starting to get a bit amusing to me by now), "I was just on the other line with Mark, but we got disconnected!" "Oh, don't worry about that." she said, "We've been working all this time to solve your problem and..."

BEEEEEEP - Philadelphia on the other line

"That's Mark" I said, "Can you hold please?" She said yes, and I switched back over to Mark. "Mark! Diana's on the other line! She's trying to sort things out." He said, "Take your time," but I didn't really want to have him hanging around waiting, so I said that was OK, I would try to fix things with Diana and e-mail him later.

When I switched back to Diana, she said that the other accounts had been closed and that my account was now current. "Which account would that be?" I asked. After all, it could be any one of the three. She confirmed the account number that I had thought was correct all along (Yay me!), and assured me that the late fees would be reversed and that I would receive correct bills in the future. "I sure hope that's true this time!" I replied, and Diana laughed. I was only half-joking.

So, hopefully all's well that ends well and the problem truly is fixed this time. If not, I'm sure you'll be hearing about it.

What I've been going through for the past month with Comc@st not only is extremely irritating, it is almost surreal. I mean, how could a company's customer service be THAT bad? Well, it takes a lot of hard work, let me tell you, and Comc@st has gotten it down to an artform.

The saga began when we were notified by our homeowner's association that June 30th would be the last day that they would be covering our cable costs. If we wanted to continue our service, we would have to set up an appointment with Comc@st to have our account transferred over. No problem. We made an appointment and the cable guy came out on July 1st to transfer our service. There were a few glitches with our TiVo, but otherwise the set-up went smoothly. When we signed the paperwork, we noticed that they had the wrong address down (it was actually our neighbor's address, and that house was currently vacant). So we changed the address on the paperwork, the cable guy wrote a brief note and we initialed it. Problem solved, right? Wrong.

A week later, a new neighbor moved in to the previously vacant house and brought over a Comc@st bill that had been delivered to him. Sure enough, it was our account, but they had the wrong address. Complicating matters further, we received another bill for a different account at our address (the previous account from the homeowner's association). We tried to fix this address and billing mix-up with Comc@st over the phone, but they recommended that we go into their regional office to straighten it out. Since we had just purchased an HD TV and needed to upgrade our service anyway, it wasn't too big of an inconvenience to drive to the office and request assistance. We talked to the service lady at the desk, and she assured us that the address and billing problem had been solved.

She was mistaken. A week later, we received another two bills, for both our address and our neighbor's address, and one of them now said we were past due (this was the homeowner's account which had been closed on June 30th). Meanwhile, our new neighbor has been unable to set up his cable service because Comc@st already has our account listed at his address! I called in again and this time spoke with a very nice lady who assured me that the problem was now cleared up and we should be receiving correct bills in the future.

Then she promptly canceled our service.

By this time, I was ready to commit mayhem. Our phones, internet and TV were down and I could only call Comc@st on my cell phone. Which gets terrible reception in the house. So I kept getting disconnected with the Comc@st guy. At one point he said, "Ma'am, I'm having trouble hearing you," which prompted me to shout into the receiver, "That's because you canceled my dang home phone!!!!" Fortunately, I had been cut off by that point and he didn't hear my outburst. After 45 minutes shivereing outside in the cold night air (the only place I could get good cell reception), the Comc@st technician had reinstated my service temporarily and scheduled a cable guy to come to our house on Friday to "verify the equipment" and correct the address.

Friday came along and Comc@st called at 12 pm to confirm the appointment. I did so and verified that they were coming to our address, and not the neighbor's. The service person assured me that it was our address and that the technician would be here within the half hour. 20 minutes later, I see a Comc@st van pull up and a technician go to the neighbor's house. "Effin-ay!!!" I yelled as I ran down the stairs asking Jeff to redirect the guy to the right place (I was not in the right mood to speak to him in a friendly manner). Jeff asked Cable guy if he should be at our address, but he just gave him a blank look and mumbled something incoherent. Then he hung out in his van for about 15 minutes and drove off. When I called Comc@st an hour later to see what had happened to our service guy, they said that the order had been closed. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!! I explained, as calmly as I could, that the guy had gone to the wrong house and that they needed to get another technician here TODAY to fix this problem. Around 3 pm, a different cable guy showed up with no idea what he was supposed to do. After Jeff explained the job to him, he verified the equipment, corrected our address and drove away.

When I spoke to a technician on Friday, she said our current balance was $54 and that she would send us a new bill with the correct address immediately. Well, today I got the bill. It is for $449 and includes a $390 one-time service fee. After a brief temper tantrum, I called Comc@st again to find out what the hell was going on. I explained to the poor technician that we have been trying to fix this problem for a month now and that instead of getting fixed, it seems to be getting more and more mixed-up!!! Then I asked her if we still had two accounts under our name and why we were being charged a $390 service fee.

An audible gulp could be heard on the other end of the phone and the woman timidly said, "Ma'am, it looks like there are now three accounts under your name."

"WHAT???!!!" I exclaimed. How could this be???!!! Apparently, the first Comc@st guy who came out on Friday set up a new account under our name at the neighbor's address. That's what he was doing as he sat in his van for 15 minutes. And apparently we were charged $390 for this service.

So today, I am ready to kick @ss and take names! I'm heading down to that Comc@st office with our three accounts in hand to get this mess straightened out once and for all. Wish me luck, because the way things have been going, I think I'm going to need it!

It's too bad I don't have a brick wall nearby. I think banging my head against it would be easier than dealing with Comc@st's "customer service."

***** UPDATE *****

Just got back from the Comc@st office, where I had to wait in a long-@ss line and was again given a blank look by the "customer service" representative. She said she could not help and that there was no supervisor on duty to assist me. She then took copies of my bills, wrote a note and told me that "Credit and Collections" would be contacting me within 48 hours to clear things up.

F@%$#%@K!!!!

I realize you did not move in under circumstances that would have predisposed us to a long and lasting friendship. The previous inhabitants of your house, S and her two daughters, were good friends of ours and frequently invited us over for some excellent Indian food. Sadly, due to these tough economic times, they lost their home and were forced to move out. Our whole family was saddened by this turn of events, but I assure you we did not hold S’s loss against you.

What we do hold against you however, is the unwarranted use of your car’s horn.

Why must you honk your horn repeatedly throughout the day? And not just once, but in three short bursts: Beep! Beep! Beep! I know that this is probably your car alarm sound, but why must you activate it so often? Are you checking to make sure that your car is still there? Because, really, you could just look out your window and get the same results without disturbing any of your neighbors. What I find even harder to understand is why you go outside, look at your car, and then press the alarm button (Beep! Beep! Beep!), before walking back inside the house. Do you need to make sure the alarm still works? Because it was working fine 10 minutes ago when you last activated the triple horn, and I don’t think much has changed since then.

So, maybe you do have OCD. I can understand that and even sympathize with the anxiety you must feel when you do not hear your car go “Beep! Beep! Beep!” However, is it possible that you could confine your OCD to civilized hours? Honking your horn at 11:30 pm on a Sunday evening is bad enough, but doing it again at 1:25 am is just plain excessive. For goodness sake, I’m trying to sleep and your car is parked almost right below my bedroom window!

Please, I beg you, stop activating your car alarm, unless you are getting into or out of your car. If this reckless use of a car horn persists, I may be forced to commit automobilicide. Or at the very least, do a covert horn-deactivation mission in the middle of the night. Of course, with my luck, I’d be under your car, fiddling with wires when you came out to check your alarm (yet again) and would probably wind up deaf or seriously injured as a result. Could you please just save us all that trouble and cease the honking? On behalf of myself and all your neighbors, I’d like to thank you in advance for your kind attention to this matter.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Crap. There you go again…..

Why, you ask? Well, because I’m cooking a turkey. My first turkey ever, in fact! You see, I don’t cook. Ever. That’s strictly Jeff’s department. But today, he’s got an open house, and since we wanted our own turkey so that we could have Thanksgiving leftovers, it’s up to me to cook the dang thing. So here I am, in the kitchen, experiencing that time-honored American tradition of “roasting the bird.”

I’ve got oven mitts on, my basting thingy at the ready, and veggies prepared to chop for the stuffing. All that’s missing is a Donna Reed apron.

Step one – Let Jeff take out the gizzards, neck and other miscellaneous organs from the turkey because… yuck. I don’t do innards.

Step two – Jeff puts the turkey on a roasting rack over some chopped up vegetables and slathers it with butter.

(“Hey! Why’s Jeff doing all the work?” you say. “I thought YOU were supposed to be cooking this turkey!” Well, just wait for it…. Enter Jenni, stage left).

Step three – I begin preparing stuffing to fill up the bird’s cavities (ick). The tricky part is chopping the onions. My eyes are extremely sensitive to the fumes and from past experience I know that within minutes I will be a tearing, red-eyed mess. As a preventative measure, I get Jeff’s safety goggles from his toolbox and put them on. Ah, that should do it.

Step four - Vika and Eamon come downstairs and see me cooking stuffing with safety goggles on. Much laughing ensues, and when they finally catch their breath, Eamon gasps out, “Mama! Why are you wearing Papa’s work glasses??!!!” I shoo them out of the kitchen and get back to stirring the stuffing.

Step five – Stuffing is ready, so I take out the turkey and begin filling the cavities (eww). It becomes immediately apparent that I have made WAY too much stuffing! Crap. What the heck am I going to do with the rest of this stuff? I set it back on the burner for now and get back to work on the bird.

Step six – Dressing and trussing the turkey. I dip some cheesecloth in a white wine and butter mixture and gently place it across the top and on the legs (a la Martha Stewart). Then I attempt to skewer the back cavity closed for roasting. Hmmm… this turkey skin is tougher than I thought…. Damn. That’s one skewer broken! OK… let’s try again. This time, I get the skewer through, but not before breaking the tip off and nearly impaling my hand in the process. Next, I fold the neck skin under the bird and decide not to skewer that part (even though Jeff left instructions to do so. The bird is too heavy and I’m not sure I could manage skewering again without causing injury to myself). Finally, I grab the turkey’s legs, lift them up high, and tie them securely together with some twine. After feeling a moment of sadness for the indignities this turkey has suffered, I place it in the oven and begin the roasting process.

Step seven – (30 minutes later) I open the oven to baste the turkey with the white wine and butter mixture. Steam and heat shoot out of the oven, temporarily blinding me! I whip my head away, nearly falling to the floor and take some time to recover my vision. Once I can see again, I return to the oven (which is no longer blasting out heat) and proceed to baste the turkey. For some reason, I can't lift up the handles on the roasting pan. I approach them from several angles, but can only manage to lift up one (damn oven mitts!). Finally, I grab the pan by the edge, hoping that I don't drop the turkey, lift and place it on the open over door (is this thing sturdy enough to hold a 21 lb bird?), and quickly baste the turkey. Repeat process (with significantly less drama during the opening of the oven part) every half hour for two hours.

Step eight - *sniff, sniff * What’s that smell…? Ack! The leftover stuffing is burning! I quickly rush to the stove to stir the stuffing, trying to mix in the burnt parts and hoping no one will notice. After throwing away a few charred onions, I pack the stuffing into a leftover container and place it safely in the refrigerator.

Feeling like I’ve got things a bit under control, I decide now would be a good time for a snack with the kids. I pop some California Dark bread into the toaster and get out the pumpkin spice cream cheese we bought. That should be festive and tasty. I call the kids down and grab a couple of bananas. I hear four feet come tromping up behind me and come to an abrupt halt. “BLUE KITCHEN!” Vika yells, “BLUE KITCHEN!!!” Crap. The toast is burning! The kids have been through this drill before and know what to do next. Vika runs to the couch, grabs a pillow and begins waving it frantically back and forth under the smoke detector. Eamon hops onto a stool and tries to climb on the counter to open the kitchen window. I take over that job for him because, really, that’s all I need right now – a trip to the ER because Eamon’s fallen to the floor and cracked his head.

Finally, the smoke clears and the kids sit down for their snack. The pumpkin spice cream cheese is a hit, and they both dance around the dining room saying that I’m a “better cook than Papa.” I smile indulgently and pat them on the head with a stern warning to never say that in front of Papa.

Step nine - (2.5 hours later) Time to take off the cheesecloth and begin basting the turkey in its own juices. This time, by some miracle, I'm able to grasp both handles of the roasting pan, and I smoothly lift the pan from the rack. I think I'm getting the hang of this! Gingerly, I remove the now charred cheesecloth, and damn me if that's not a nice looking turkey! After squeezing up the juices from the bottom of the pan and drenching the bird, I push it back in the oven and let it roast for the final, browning phase.

4:44 pm - Jeff's finally home!!! I happily relinquish the basting thingy and oven mitts to him. Now, all is right with the world.


6:20 pm - The eagle has landed! Or rather, the turkey is done! It looks a bit darker in this photo than it is in real life, so hopefully it will taste OK. Notice my skewer job between the legs. Turns out, it didn't hold so well. Maybe next time I'll staple the cavity shut. :)

Bon Appetite!

Some alien life from must have taken residence in my son's body. It's the only explanation for what has been going on during the last 2 hours.

It's a well know fact that Eamon hates to clean his room. The worst part of my day is evening chore time, when he needs to put away the toys he was playing with. My request to him to clean him room is usually followed by groans, foot stomping, and all too often, flopping around on the floor like a 2 year old.

Seriously, it sucks.

However, today was different. I didn't even have to remind Eamon that it was evening chore time. He'd been happily rearranging and cleaning his room all afternoon! He emptied out all the drawers of his wardrobe (which is used to house toys and dress-up clothes) and neatly put everything back. He stacked his shoes on a little rack off to the side of his room. And he organized his shelves!!!

What could have brought about such a dramatic change? Had body-snatchers invaded? Or was his milk spiked with Stepford-juice?

Nope. It turns out that Jeff encouraged Eamon to play a "moving to another house" game with Vika's dolls (Eamon is really into playing Papa lately). He also gave him a "cleaning gauntlet" to wear. That's why Eamon worked so hard organizing his room without a fuss.

I hate it when Jeff has strokes of genius that never would have occurred to me.














The cleaning gauntlet






This cracked me up - Apparently, Eamon's knight helmet is a Cubs fan.

I mentioned a week or so ago that I had car trouble. That’s putting it rather mildly. One week and $2600 later, I got my car back from the shop. But let’s go back a bit…

It all began about 10 months ago, when my car (a 2000 Honda CR-V) started taking longer to warm up in the mornings. If it didn’t warm up a few minutes before I left for work, it would occasionally stall or run rough until it did warm up. I took the CR-V into the shop and got a tune-up, thinking that bad spark plugs might be the problem. For a while after the tune-up, the car did run better, but then the problems resurfaced. Eventually, I got into the habit of turning my car on for 5 minutes before leaving each day to warm it up so I could head to school without the car stalling.

However, I realized that this was just a band-aid, so I took the car into the shop again. BTW, this auto shop is run by a friend who used to investigate other auto shops for dishonest practices, so I trust them with my car. Anyway, this time they thought it might be the air intake motor (or something that sounds like that – I don’t remember the actual name), so they flushed out the system and cleaned the filters. Again, the car ran more smoothly for a while after this fix, but the problems resurfaced about a month later. At this point, Jeff replaced the air intake motor to fix the problem. It didn’t work though, and the car’s condition continued to worsen.

I brought it into my mechanic again, and this time they recommended I run a full diagnostic on it. The results that came back were quite distressing. My car needed a valve job! A 2000 Honda, with less that 90,000 miles on it needed a valve job! It just seemed wrong. I had the mechanic hold the car for a day, while I did some investigating on my own (I didn’t want to spend all that money if this wasn’t actually the problem).

Here’s where things get interesting. Online, I found that Honda CR-Vs produced between the years 1997 and 2001 have a little problem with their motors. Their valves tighten with wear, rather than loosen, and they should be adjusted every 30,000 miles. However, in my owner’s manual, it says to adjust the valves every 105,000 miles – which is why we never suspected this was the problem. In all the American owner’s manuals the recommendation is for an adjustment every 105,000 miles. In the European owner’s manuals, it says every 30,000 miles. I’m not sure why there is this discrepancy, but the conspiracy theorists say it’s because Honda felt Americans would be less likely to buy a car that required valve adjustments so regularly. Who knows what the truth is? All I know is that other CR-V owners around the country, myself included, have had to get costly valve jobs when their cars were around the 90,000 mile mark because they never knew to get their valves adjusted every 30,000 miles.

On the bright side, my car now runs like a champ, and I paid less than others have to fix the problem. Plus, I got a new timing belt, a tune-up, and some other things done at the same time. It just stinks that I’m now $2600 poorer because of a problem that you wouldn’t think would happen with a Honda. I’m still mulling over in my mind whether or not I should contact Honda Corporate about the issue. I’m not sure it would do any good, and it could just be an exercise in frustration on my part. But, maybe others have complained, and there is some offer of reimbursement out there? I guess I won’t ever know unless I pick up the phone.

So, a word of caution to all of you out there who may own a Honda CR-V built between 1997 and 2001. Get your valves adjusted on a regular basis! It will save you a lot of hassles and money in the long run.

We've been having some vandalism issues with Eamon lately. Nothing too major, but he's taken to writing "E"s all over the house. On walls, furniture, counters... It's been going on for a while, and we've tried everything we can think of to discourage the behavior. The logical consequence is that he has to clean up the "E"s. This consequence we've been very consistent with because it makes the most sense. But, it is obviously not enough. Time-outs, designated "art stations" (complete with chalk board on the wall), loss of TV time and "pencil restriction" have all been tried, and all have failed. Once Eamon wrote with ink on the wall and on the cupboard, and it wouldn't wash off. So, we had to paint over the "E"s, which resulted in an "energy drain" (he drains energy from the family, and has to put it back in, usually by doing some horrid chore). We thought that would put an end to it, but it didn't. In fact, the "E"s got worse. In the last week, Eamon has written on walls, cupboards, our living room table, and worst of all, the top of Jeff's Mac laptop (with ball-point pen, so he scratched the "E" into the shiny, silver surface).

Last night, we had a family meeting about the problem. We talked about ways we could solve it and how to work together to make things better. Vika suggested spanking Eamon for every "E." Jeff and I felt a better approach would be for Eamon to feel the sting of not cooperating with the family and breaking the house rules. If he could not cooperate with us, then we would not feel much like cooperating with him when he wanted a special privilege (like choosing the bedtime story or having some TV time before bed). Vika agreed this was better than spanking, and Eamon was on board too. He really didn't like the idea of us not cooperating with him, and it seemed we had all come to an understanding.

Then I got home from work tonight. Vika looked smug, and Jeff looked tired and angry. I soon found out why. Eamon had written "E"s on various surfaces all around the house. On the kitchen counter where Jeff prepares dinner; the toilet seat and walls in my bathroom; the cupboards in the kitchen and the hallway; and worst, on the forehead of Vika's favorite doll. We later found that he had drawn "E"s on Vika's stuffed Hello Kitty (that she sleeps with), and the heads of two other dolls as well. He strategically put "E"s is places where he knew we would find them. Clearly, this was a cry for attention, and the problem is more serious than we thought.

So, while Eamon cleaned up each "E" in the house, Jeff and I talked about what to do. Unfortunately, we're at a loss for solutions. We've cut back his hours at preschool so that he can spend more time with the family; we do fun, together activities every weekend; we eat breakfast and dinner together at the table and talk about our day... it's not as if the boy is neglected. I know me going back to work has been hard on him, but there's really no solution for that. I need to bring in income right now, so off to work I go.

Has anyone out there encountered such a persistent vandalism problem? If so, how did you solve it? Any and all suggestions are welcome.

8:30 am - Wake up two very groggy kids and attempt to get them to do their "morning chores" (fix bed, get dressed, brush their teeth, bring down dirty clothes). Eamon does fine, once he wakes up, but Vika fights about the work clothes we have laid out for her.

9:00 am - Vika put into a time out for refusing to do her morning chores. (She has to do these every day, regardless of whether she's in Listening Camp or not).

9:30 am - Breakfast. Jeff and I have Mexican poached eggs on toast with hot tea. The kids eat cold cereal with milk and look wistfully at our poached eggs. (We felt a bit guilty about this, but tried to keep our "game faces" on)

9:10 am - Eamon put into a time out for not listening during our after-breakfast clean-up.

(2 time-outs before the chores have even begun!)

10:00 am - Kids begin major chore of the day - organizing their toy bins and cleaning their closets. Both Vika and Eamon put into time-outs right away. Several toys are confiscated.

11:00 am - Still organizing the toy bins in their rooms.
Time-out Tally: Eamon - 5, Vika - 4

12:00 pm - Still organizing the toy bins in their rooms.
Time-out Tally: Eamon - 6, Vika - 4

1:00 pm - I hate Listening Camp. Listening Camp sucks.
Time-out Tally: Eamon - 8, Vika - 6

1:15 pm - Lunch time. The kids eat dry cheese sandwiches and cast many hostile glares our way as they try to choke them down. (After all the time-outs, screaming, hitting, kicking and yelling, Jeff and I did not feel as bad about the kids' less-than-appetizing lunches)

1:30 pm - Back to work organizing their toy bins.

3:00 pm - Still organizing the toy bins and closets in their rooms.
Time-out Tally: Eamon - 10, Vika - pulls into the lead with 13

4:00 pm - I really hate Listening Camp.

5:00 pm - Eamon finishes with the toy bins in his room! Moves on to cleaning and repairing the cat water bowl that he kicked during a previous time-out. Vika is still organizing the toy bins in her room. The girl cannot seem to do anything without arguing. (I wonder where she gets that from?)
Time out Talley: Eamon - 12, Vika - 16

5:30 pm - Eamon is done with Listening Camp! He gets lots of hugs and kisses from Jeff and I, and sits down to a glass of water and a snack of goldfish crackers. Vika enters into yet another time-out for arguing about her chores.

6:30 pm - Vika is finally done with Listening Camp! She gets hugs and snugs from Jeff and I, and the whole family sits down to a nice dinner together.

Total Time-Out Tally for the day: Eamon - 12, Vika - 19

Now that Listening Camp is done, do I feel it is worth it? Maybe. Eamon certainly seems eager to listen and do his part in the family. In his words, "The next time I have bad manners, I will think about this when I'm in my time-out." Both kids are very happy to be able to talk and play with Mama and Papa again too. We did let them talk during Listening Camp, but mostly just to ask questions about what they should do next. There was none of the usual banter that fills our days, and the kids missed this much more than I thought they would.

Vika is certainly much more stubborn than Eamon. She has a strong will and knows what she wants, which is not a bad thing, but at times this comes across as her caring for her own needs more than what's best for the family. Of course, she was trained to be this way from a very young age, since both during her time with her Russian Mama and at the orphanage, pretty much the only person she could depend on was herself. Eamon suffered the same neglect, and also reacts by fighting, but in a different way. Instead of fighting with words, he displays strong physical aggression whenever he thinks we may be upset with him. I think he has such a fear of losing our love that he fights back with every tool in his arsenal (hitting, biting, kicking, screaming, and my favorite, spitting). Lately, he has also taken to yelling, "I don't love you!" After much training today, he finally came to the point where instead of fighting with his body, he expressed his displeasure with constructive words: "I don't like this Papa!" This is HUGE for Eamon. He knows he should use his words, but his knee-jerk reaction is to hit or scream when something happens that he does not like.

Hopefully the lessons learned today will stick for longer than just this evening. Time will tell, I guess. At the very least, I think they now finally realize how much we give to them each day, and understand that they are part of the family team. I don't expect that the coping mechanisms learned during 3 years of neglect will disappear after one day, but maybe our kids, who had been punished in violent ways before coming home with us, have now learned that Mama and Papa can be serious about their behavior without beating them with a shoe (as the mamachakas did).

We ended this long, trying day with a trip to Peet's for cakes, coffee drinks and steamed milk for the kids. At the table, Eamon raised his cup and said, "I have a toast! Thank you Mama and Papa for letting Listening Camp be done. I love you guys!"

Maybe the day was a success after all!

We've decided that it's time Vika and Eamon started earning their keep, so we've started a new chorse system in our house. The kids have always had their personal morning chores to do (making their beds, getting dressed, brushing their teeth and bringing down their dirty clothes), but now we figure they're ready for a bit more. A couple of weeks ago, there was an episode of Supernanny in which Jo had the kids "fish" for their chores. The kids on the show had a lot of fun doing this, and got to work on their chores right away. Jeff and I looked at each other with this "of course!" expression on our faces. Our kids love to pretend to fish, and so we figured they would be totally into this method of chore assignment. It was kind of a "Why didn't we think of that?!" moment.

So, I dragged Eamon to Michael's, looking for something that would serve as our fish. Walking down the aisles, I spotted four Foamies fish for 50% off. Perfect! Then we bought some magnets and a blue collapsible bucket (for the "water"), and we were ready to go. After the kids were asleep, Jeff and I attached the magnets to the fish, constructed a magnetic fishing pole, and wrote two chores on each fish. When we explained the activity to them the next day, Vika and Eamon were incredibly excited.

Now, The four of us "catch" a fish each morning, which tells us our two chores for the day. Vika and Eamon love this so much that they've been enthusiastically helping out around the house all week!

When we get ready to fish for chores, Jeff and I like to taunt the kids. That's just the kind of parents we are. :) The exchange usually goes something like this:

Me: The "water plants" fish is mine! I'm so getting that one!
Vika: Nooooo! I want that fish!
Me: It's mine! (evil laugh)
Jeff: Eamon's going to get cat kakats! (cleaning the litter box)
Eamon: (cackles)

Today, Vika finally got the fish she so desperately wanted to catch. While dancing around the room in a cocky manner, she sang, "Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! I got water plants! Papa got the litter box! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!" She just loves it when Jeff has to do something gross.

If any of you have kids who are hesitant to do their chores, I highly recommend this method of assigning the jobs (or something similar which suits your child's interests). It gives them a little control over what work they have to do, yet keeps things fun too.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!