Another Journey
Lately I've been thinking a lot about adopting again. I'm not sure why, really. It seems that we are barely getting out of "survival mode" with Vika and Eamon, and we certainly don't have funding available for another adoption. But, for some reason, I'm feeling the desire to do it again anyway.
Jeff, however, is of a different mindset. He feels that we are finally settling down after adding two children to our lives, and the idea of the time and expense involved in adding another child (or two) to our brood, quite understandably, stresses him out.
To be honest, it stresses me out too. I'm hoping to get a full-time teaching position next year and really start moving forward in my career. We would like to get a nicer house, with a bigger yard, and a new car for Jeff. The funding required to complete another adoption would definitely put these larger purchases on hold. I have no idea what the timing (and time home with the new child) would do to my teaching career. There is also the question of how it would affect Eamon and Vika. Would they react well to having another child in the house? Since they have the bond of being bio-siblings and being adopted at the same time, would the new child be viewed as an outsider, intruding upon their comfortable home?
Adopting another child would certainly be a gamble, but despite knowing all the risks and potential pitfalls involved, I still feel like I want to do it. This time, it would not be so much about becoming a parent, like it was with Vika and Eamon. I am a mother now, and the void I felt in my life before having kids is no longer there. If we do decide to adopt again, it would be more about expanding our family and giving a loving home to a child in need.
Clearly, Jeff and I have a lot of thinking to do. I'm not sure if we will be taking another adoption journey, but a recent dinner conversation indicates that I'm not the only family member considering it:
Jeff: Eat your soup Vika and Eamon. Some kids in the world don't have soup to eat. (Yes, he actually pulled the "there are starving children in the world" card in an attempt to get our kids to eat.)
Jeff: (After sitting quiet and pensive for a moment) I just got really sad.
Vika: Why Papa?
Jeff: Because there are kids in the world who really don't have anything to eat.
Vika: Maybe we could send them some of our soup?
Jeff: Maybe... but it might go bad before it gets there. Also, once they've eaten it, then what?
Vika: Maybe we could give them money to buy more food?
Jeff: Yeah, we could do that. But the money might run out too.
Vika: (looking around our table at the two empty chairs) I know Papa! Maybe we can bring some of them to live here, with us! They could sit in that chair, and that one, and eat our food! One of them could sleep in Eamon's bunk-bed too.
At this point, Jeff looked at me, and I made a gesture as if to say, "I didn't put her up to it, I swear!"
Jeff's reasons for not being ready to adopt again are all valid ones, an I respect his position completely. However, I'm also glad that he is not dismissing my feelings about adopting again, and is starting to think about the idea a bit more. It could be a long time before we decide to adopt again, or we may never take another adoption journey, but we are both thinking about it carefully, which is the important thing.
Jeff, however, is of a different mindset. He feels that we are finally settling down after adding two children to our lives, and the idea of the time and expense involved in adding another child (or two) to our brood, quite understandably, stresses him out.
To be honest, it stresses me out too. I'm hoping to get a full-time teaching position next year and really start moving forward in my career. We would like to get a nicer house, with a bigger yard, and a new car for Jeff. The funding required to complete another adoption would definitely put these larger purchases on hold. I have no idea what the timing (and time home with the new child) would do to my teaching career. There is also the question of how it would affect Eamon and Vika. Would they react well to having another child in the house? Since they have the bond of being bio-siblings and being adopted at the same time, would the new child be viewed as an outsider, intruding upon their comfortable home?
Adopting another child would certainly be a gamble, but despite knowing all the risks and potential pitfalls involved, I still feel like I want to do it. This time, it would not be so much about becoming a parent, like it was with Vika and Eamon. I am a mother now, and the void I felt in my life before having kids is no longer there. If we do decide to adopt again, it would be more about expanding our family and giving a loving home to a child in need.
Clearly, Jeff and I have a lot of thinking to do. I'm not sure if we will be taking another adoption journey, but a recent dinner conversation indicates that I'm not the only family member considering it:
Jeff: Eat your soup Vika and Eamon. Some kids in the world don't have soup to eat. (Yes, he actually pulled the "there are starving children in the world" card in an attempt to get our kids to eat.)
Jeff: (After sitting quiet and pensive for a moment) I just got really sad.
Vika: Why Papa?
Jeff: Because there are kids in the world who really don't have anything to eat.
Vika: Maybe we could send them some of our soup?
Jeff: Maybe... but it might go bad before it gets there. Also, once they've eaten it, then what?
Vika: Maybe we could give them money to buy more food?
Jeff: Yeah, we could do that. But the money might run out too.
Vika: (looking around our table at the two empty chairs) I know Papa! Maybe we can bring some of them to live here, with us! They could sit in that chair, and that one, and eat our food! One of them could sleep in Eamon's bunk-bed too.
At this point, Jeff looked at me, and I made a gesture as if to say, "I didn't put her up to it, I swear!"
Jeff's reasons for not being ready to adopt again are all valid ones, an I respect his position completely. However, I'm also glad that he is not dismissing my feelings about adopting again, and is starting to think about the idea a bit more. It could be a long time before we decide to adopt again, or we may never take another adoption journey, but we are both thinking about it carefully, which is the important thing.
Well, that's a big announcement. I think it's good that Jeff is willing to at least roll the idea around with you. Figure out what's best for your whole family. Sometimes I think the decision to adopt puts logic in a backseat. I know so many people who it just didn't make sense for -- they had spent all their money on IVF treatments or what have you -- but it always seems to work out in the end.
The good thing is there's no deadline. You and Jeff can take all the time you need to make a decision. Either way, I'll be standing behind you.
Do you think you guys would adopt an older child again or a baby?
Whatever you guys decide, I hope you let us go on the journey with you :-)
I promise that I didn't know about your post before I wrote mine- so maybe it was meant for you!
I wish you well in your decision and can understand all sides!
Wow, I wasnt expecting this post. Well good luck in coming to the right decision for the both of you.
Very exciting!
You know we will totally support you in any decision, and throw in some free babysitting!! Adding another child to a family is always a difficult decision - whether bio or adopted. But, knowing you the way I do, I trust your instincts and know that whatever decision you make will be the right one!!
Thanks for the support everyone! It is a difficult decision, and one we are no where near making. But, hopefully, little by little, we will move closer to a resolution.
Arlene - I think if we do adopt again, we would have an age range of 1 - 5 years in age. It could be nice to have a younger child in the house, but there are definite benefits to adopting an older one as well. Plus, since Jeff is 10 years older than me, he would most likely want an older child, just so he wouldn't be 60 at the kid's high school graduation.
So much to think about... In the meantime, we've got Vika and Eamon, and they are awesome!
You are both wise! Probably somewhere in the middle is the solution. It is so lovely to read about how you care about each others feelings. I read an article once that was looking at adopting after adopting an older child sibling group, it said that many families find that they are 'ready' again after around 3-4 years for many of the issues you mentioned. I will try adn find the article. Obviously it is such a personal decision, but I can see why it is important for the time to be right.
How exciting to go back to teaching! So happy for you!
Yes, I am back....3 weeks of NO internet was awful. I missed Vika and Eamon's smiling faces!!!!!