Four Feet More

Last week, we received more information relating to the birth family search we had performed for our kids. It was a CD containing numerous pictures and a video-taped interview with Tatiana (the Russian mama), Nikolai (the Russian uncle) and Maya (the Russian great-grandmother). Unfortunately, the whole thing was in Russian, so we have no idea what was said! However, the four of us still watched the hour-long video together, transfixed by the images of Vika and Eamon's birth family, watching them talk, and listening to their voices.

The first thing that struck me was the awful condition of the apartment in which they lived. Rickety stairs, paint peeling off the walls, and a long, dark hallway led to the front door (which looked almost as if it had been melted by extreme heat at some point). This apartment belongs to the kids' great grandmother, and Tatiana lives there from time to time. Inside the apartment, Tatiana sat on a bed, answering the questions put to her by the interviewer. She seemed a bit reluctant at first, and not terribly happy to be put in this position. I can't say that I blame her. It must be a terrible shock to have someone show up on your doorstep with a camera, asking to talk to you about the children you no longer parent. To her credit though, she did seem to answer all the questions, sometimes though tears, and I'm hoping that the translation of the interview will give u s a lot of valuable details.

Later in the video, she gave us a little "mini-tour" of her bedroom, which it seems is the same one she shared with Vika. There were stuffed animals all around, and as some were held up in front of the camera, the name "Viki" was mentioned. This was what they called Vika as a baby and toddler, so I'm guessing those toys were hers. On the shelf was a framed baby photo of Vika. She must have been about 10 months old at the time, but we could still see the resemblance.

After showing the room, the interviewer gave Tatiana our letter (she said "Spaseeba bolshoy" - Thank you very much), and then handed her the color printouts of our photos. Tatiana took one look at them, then turned her head away and broke into tears. My heart went out to her. I know she may not have been the greatest mother to our kids, but it seems that she did love them, and she probably tried her best given the resources and and parenting skills she had. I may feel a bit differently once we get more details from the translation of the video and the written report, but for now, I simply see her as another mother, living a world away, feeling a tremendous sense of loss.

Once Tatiana recovered, she led the interviewer into the main living area, where both Nikolai and Maya said some words for the camera. My first impression of Nikolai as a happy guy who seems to take things in stride was further strenghtened by this video. Great Grandmother Maya was still the most amazing for me to see. When she was handed the photos, she could not stop looking at them. She gazed fondly at the images, saying how Vika was "kraseeva" (beautiful) and Eamon was "haroshki" (handsome). In the little Russian that I still understand, I also heard her mention the kids "sistra" (big sister Ali, who was in a graduation picture with the kids), their babushka (shout-out to you mom!) and "Mama" and "Papa" as she pointed to a picture of the kids with Jeff and I. It seems that she is pretty accepting of the adoption and happy that the kids have a more stable life than they had in Russia.

Towards the end of the video, the interviewer videotaped the living room, in which there were two dogs (Vika said she had a dog in Russia, and we didn't believe her. Sorry Vika!), a cage with a singing bird, and on a book shelf, a picture of Tatiana holding a newborn Kolya (Eamon) in one arm, and a 15 month old Vika in the other. Vika is grinning at the camera with these chubby cheeks, looking completely content to have a baby brother. I'll admit that we were a ll a bit relieved to see this picture. From what we do know if the kids' past, it is clear that Vika was much more a part of this Russian family than Eamon, and it would have been heartbreaking if there were baby pictures of her, but none of him. We're going to make still images of these photos, and maybe I'll post them here later (with Tatiana's identity concealed).

As for the rest of the report, I'm not sure how many details I'll share on this blog. I believe that the story of the kid's birth family and the circumstances surrounding them being placed into the orphanage will be their story to tell. I don't want to expose Tatiana's story to the general public either. I think that would be unfair to her and disrespectful of her privacy. I'm so glad that we will have these details and images available to our kids as they get older though, to give them a sense of who they are and how they came to be our children.

The other tricky thing Jeff and I are dealing with is how much of the report to share with the kids. The four of us did watch the video together (since the kids don't speak Russian anymore, we figured it was safe), and while Eamon got a bit bored, Vika watched the whole thing. She cried quietly a couple times, especially when her Russian Mama cried, but she brightened up considerably when her Great Grandmother was on the screen. Even though Vika was so young when she lived with them, she still remembers a great deal. Part of her wants to idealize the past (which is why we were skeptical of her story about the dog), but another part of her knows the truth and is saddened by it. I guess how much we share depends on how sensitive the information in the report is. Eventually, the kids will know all the details, but we'll have to share them in an age-appropriate manner, and only when they are ready/mature enough to deal with it.