Imaginary Children
A while back, Jeff and I went to a workshop on bonding, attachment, and parenting your adopted child. There were a lot of interesting points to this workshop (most of which you've heard before if you've done any research on attachment), but probably the best activity was when they coordinator had us draw a picture of what we thought our child would look like. On this drawing we were asked to list our expectations of the personality traits and moral values our kids would have. Now, by this time, Jeff and I had been home with Vika and Eamon for 8 months, so we were not in the same place as the other parents, who had not yet received referrals for the children they would adopt. However, we could still remember what mental images we had of our future children, and those are what we drew. I did the Eamon picture, and Jeff did the drawing of Vika.
Vika
It was interesting to see how different our imaginary children are from the kids we actually adopted. Vika looks nothing like what we imagined, and while Eamon looks similar, he is still different in many ways. Most of the personality traits fit, but I suspect that is due to the fact that we knew our kids when we took this workshop, and their personalities had already made their stamp on our perception of them.
We dug up these drawings last night and showed them to the kids. Vika was stunned by what we thought she would look like, as was Eamon. Of course, we talked with the kids a bit about why we thought they would look like that, but we also made sure to let them know how happy we are that they look just the way they do. Looking at Jeff's drawing, Vika agreed. She didn't like the nose Jeff drew for her at all!
This is a fun activity that can tell you a lot about what expectations you have in regards to your future children. Those of you who have not yet received your referrals may want to try it out. It will be interesting to see how closely your imaginary child and real child match.
Vika
Eamon
It was interesting to see how different our imaginary children are from the kids we actually adopted. Vika looks nothing like what we imagined, and while Eamon looks similar, he is still different in many ways. Most of the personality traits fit, but I suspect that is due to the fact that we knew our kids when we took this workshop, and their personalities had already made their stamp on our perception of them.
We dug up these drawings last night and showed them to the kids. Vika was stunned by what we thought she would look like, as was Eamon. Of course, we talked with the kids a bit about why we thought they would look like that, but we also made sure to let them know how happy we are that they look just the way they do. Looking at Jeff's drawing, Vika agreed. She didn't like the nose Jeff drew for her at all!
This is a fun activity that can tell you a lot about what expectations you have in regards to your future children. Those of you who have not yet received your referrals may want to try it out. It will be interesting to see how closely your imaginary child and real child match.
that is a cute activity and a great insert for a lifebook. I wish i had done that before we got our referrals
OK, so how lame am I that I didn't think to put these pictures in their lifebooks?!
Thanks for the suggestion Melissa!
Very cool activity. Just like when we all were kids trying to figure out what our future mate would look like. For the record, I am still trying to figure that out!
That's a very good idea, and your drawings are cute!
Interesting. I was asked to do this and declined. I didn't (and don't) want a picture in my mind. I want to be able to avoid "comparing". It's just my personal thing--I wanted a clean slate! My sw was fine with that, so I guess I'm not just an avoider. ;>
It's interesting that you say that Kate. I can totally understand your thinking and appreciate that you want a "clean slate."
I thought I didn't really have any preconceived notions about what my kids would look like either, until I received their referral. When I saw how much older and dark in coloring Vika was, I was definitely surprised. I wasn't really aware of it before, but I did have an image in my mind with regards to both age and coloring of our children.
And, I must clarify that we were not disappointed that our kids were different than our mental images. In fact, we feel so lucky that our children are the way they are. We could not have asked for more beautiful children (inside and out)!
Interesting - I hadn't seen these before. I think all of us from the time we're old enough to even think about marriage and children have imaginary pictures in our minds about our future spouse and kids. I know I certainly did. Jenni fit that imaginary picture perfectly. My husband and son - not so much!! Didn't alter my feelings for them, but it is an interesting exercise.
Also, I'm VERY impressed at how well Jenni and Jeff were able to color within the lines!! Way to go, girl!!
I thought we would get a blonde child too. Not because we had to have one, but just because it seemed like most of the kids coming out of Russia had light hair. After meeting our daughter I thought about going dark myself, but M talked me out of it.