The Name Game
Elle wrote an interesting post over at Unexpected Miracles which encouraged me to enter into the debate about kids' names. When we began the process of adopting our kids, I was often asked, "Are you going to keep their Russian names?" My response to this question was, "Probably not." I conceded that we might keep their Russian names as middle names, but secretly, I planned on changing the whole thing. You see, I have been selecting names for my kids since I was 5. I had a whole list that I had been maintaining, through the years, with certain names scratched out and others added as they fell in and out of favor. I knew, without a doubt, that I would select the perfect names for my children.
When I was a young child, the names I picked for my future children were "Jonathan" and "Gayle," although I was also quite fond of "Joyce." As I grew, my name preferences changed. During my teen years, I went through a whole western phase: "Colton" for a boy and "Cheyenne" for a girl. When it finally came time for Jeff and I to start our family, my grandmother had passed away, so I was positive that I would be using a shortened version of her name, Rosemarie, in my daughter's name. The name I chose was "Kennedy Rose." This preference did not change for several years. For a boy, my list was a bit longer, but my favorite was "Lincoln James." Of course, that brought the problem of having two kids named after assassinated presidents. You know the whole, "Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy, and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln" thing. So, I had "Adelaide" as a second choice for a girl and "Colin" as my boy emergency back-up.
There was only one small snag. Jeff hated all my boy names. He thought of a variety of malicious ways other kids would pick on our son because of his name, and nixed every single selection on my list. Finally, in frustration, I said, "Why don't you pick a name then?!" He chose one name, and one name only: Eamon (pronounced "A-mun"). So, our new name choice for a boy was "Eamon James."
However, life has a way of changing your plans. A few years back, Jeff's mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer. During her brief battle with the disease, we became pregnant, and I felt very strongly that if the child was a girl, we should give her Jeff's mom's name, Ina (pronounced "Ee-nah") for a middle name. While Ina was in the hospital, I told her of our name plans. She smiled and said, with as much enthusiasm as she could muster while under the influence of morphine, "I think that's a great idea!" Ina passed away a few days later, and not long after that, I lost the baby. However, our decision to honor Ina by naming our daughter after her remained, making our new name choice for a girl, "Kennedy Ina."
Of course, all this time, we were planning on adopting an infant and a toddler. Children with short pasts, who had not really grown accustomed to their names. I even began lifebooks with their new names. Then we got the referral for a 4 year old girl named Viktoria (Vika for short) and a nearly 3 year old boy named Nikolay. Frankly, Vika's Russian nickname (pronounced "Vee-kah") fit her much better than Kennedy did, and since she was older and knew her Russian family, we felt that it was important for her to keep that connection with them. After all, her name and a cross around her neck (from the baptism her great grandmother had performed on her), were all Vika had left from her Russian family. For similar reasons, we decided to keep Eamon's Russian name as his middle name, thus making our two children, Victoria Ina and Eamon Nikolay.
In the end, I didn't wind up choosing either of my kids' names. Am I disappointed by this? A little. However, while my kids names never appeared on any of my lists, they fit them perfectly in every way. The idea of Vika being named Kennedy now seems absurd. That's just not her. I do still like the name Lincoln James though, and perhaps someday if we adopt again or get pregnant (perish the thought!), I might get my little Linc after all.
How do you feel about the name game? Did you, or do you plan on keeping your child's birth-name? Or have you selected a new name, to go along with the child's new life?
When I was a young child, the names I picked for my future children were "Jonathan" and "Gayle," although I was also quite fond of "Joyce." As I grew, my name preferences changed. During my teen years, I went through a whole western phase: "Colton" for a boy and "Cheyenne" for a girl. When it finally came time for Jeff and I to start our family, my grandmother had passed away, so I was positive that I would be using a shortened version of her name, Rosemarie, in my daughter's name. The name I chose was "Kennedy Rose." This preference did not change for several years. For a boy, my list was a bit longer, but my favorite was "Lincoln James." Of course, that brought the problem of having two kids named after assassinated presidents. You know the whole, "Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy, and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln" thing. So, I had "Adelaide" as a second choice for a girl and "Colin" as my boy emergency back-up.
There was only one small snag. Jeff hated all my boy names. He thought of a variety of malicious ways other kids would pick on our son because of his name, and nixed every single selection on my list. Finally, in frustration, I said, "Why don't you pick a name then?!" He chose one name, and one name only: Eamon (pronounced "A-mun"). So, our new name choice for a boy was "Eamon James."
However, life has a way of changing your plans. A few years back, Jeff's mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer. During her brief battle with the disease, we became pregnant, and I felt very strongly that if the child was a girl, we should give her Jeff's mom's name, Ina (pronounced "Ee-nah") for a middle name. While Ina was in the hospital, I told her of our name plans. She smiled and said, with as much enthusiasm as she could muster while under the influence of morphine, "I think that's a great idea!" Ina passed away a few days later, and not long after that, I lost the baby. However, our decision to honor Ina by naming our daughter after her remained, making our new name choice for a girl, "Kennedy Ina."
Of course, all this time, we were planning on adopting an infant and a toddler. Children with short pasts, who had not really grown accustomed to their names. I even began lifebooks with their new names. Then we got the referral for a 4 year old girl named Viktoria (Vika for short) and a nearly 3 year old boy named Nikolay. Frankly, Vika's Russian nickname (pronounced "Vee-kah") fit her much better than Kennedy did, and since she was older and knew her Russian family, we felt that it was important for her to keep that connection with them. After all, her name and a cross around her neck (from the baptism her great grandmother had performed on her), were all Vika had left from her Russian family. For similar reasons, we decided to keep Eamon's Russian name as his middle name, thus making our two children, Victoria Ina and Eamon Nikolay.
In the end, I didn't wind up choosing either of my kids' names. Am I disappointed by this? A little. However, while my kids names never appeared on any of my lists, they fit them perfectly in every way. The idea of Vika being named Kennedy now seems absurd. That's just not her. I do still like the name Lincoln James though, and perhaps someday if we adopt again or get pregnant (perish the thought!), I might get my little Linc after all.
How do you feel about the name game? Did you, or do you plan on keeping your child's birth-name? Or have you selected a new name, to go along with the child's new life?
In case any of you are wondering how Jenni got her name, it was chosen for her at least 5 years before she was born. Three factors: 1) The movie Camelot came out and the Queen's nickname was Jenny. 2) Love Story!! 3) my grandmother (Genevieve) was nicknames Genny. All in all, my daughter was destined to be Jenni - the middle name of Lynn just seemed to fit. Luckily, the name fits her perfectly!!
Of course, when she finally saw the movie Love Story, she called me at work crying and wondering how I could name her after such a sad story!!!
Oh, I see. I didn't think Eamon was his Russian name (it's Irish, after all). But the way you commented on Elle's post made me think otherwise. It doesn't take much to confuse me!
I was just like you growing up -- I had lists of names. When I was planning to adopt from Guatemala the name I had chosen was "Tabitha Lindsay." For a boy I've always loved "Landon James." But when I met Vladimir, my thoughts of changing his name to Landon went out the window. He was Vladimir through and through.
Now that I'm in domestic adoption I don't at all plan on changing my child's name. Unless, of course, it's just awful -- and there have been a few of those. (Messiah, Pepsi, Sabbath... I'm not joking.)
I think Messiah is a name that just sets a child up for failure! Although, Pepsi does have a nice ring to it. :) It reminds me of the Ramona Quimby books, where she had a doll named "Chevrolet."
Kara was going to be "Heaven Leigh"
After a VC Andrews book. Her dad nixed the idea of "Heaven Leigh Stone" wasn't the top of his list.
My grandmother guilt tripped me by saying, "no grandkids have been named after me." I told her If I had a girl she would be named Carolyn. She was so thrilled that she came up with the name "Kara Lynn" meaning 'dear friend'.
Alyx was ALWAYS going to be Alyx. I read a story when I was a little girl named Alyx and she was a fighter and wise beyond her years. Her middle name is Anna (after my sister) She could call herself "Alyxanna" if she wanted a 'longer girly name', she ends up calling herself, 'Aly'.
Shea was tough. I thought for sure I was going to have a boy so I had picked Seth Iain (all my kids have four letter first names and four letter middle names)
She of course turns out a girl and I had NO name for her...my girlfriend was swedish and her name was Skeie (pronounced 'shaya') and that is how I got her name. Her middle name is Leih. I took the G out so it would be four letters. (People freaked, I said, 'shut up and deal with it) and she can use SheaLeih if she wanted a longer girl name, she goes by 'Bay'. (Alyx couldn't pronounce "Shea" so she called her Baya.
The only name I freaked about was Alyx because I thought she would be teased for having a 'boy' name, but she is SO an Alyx.
P.S. Shaun wanted to name Marina, "Disney" but Tabitha said, "NO WAY!"
Dan wanted to name Kara 'Becky' after his first love. I said, "OH HELL NO."
the only names I didn't like was Dawn and Damian.
With the last name Stone, we had some good ones to play with;
Rolin Stone...ect.
(Jenni, I haven't been ignoring you. Blogger hasn't let me comment for ages!)
I had a name book, too. I think I know what I want to name my d2b. I need to know more about her, first. And, it will depend on what her Russian name is. I've actually got two names ready--hoping for sisters--but am trying not to get attached to the names in case they don't get used.
ps on the "weird" tag. I was so excited to see my name! But, I just posted six weird things a little bit ago and didn't think people could take anymore weirdness from me! Tag me next time?
Names are fun. I have had my names, just like you, picked out since I was 5. The only difference is the order I plan to use them now... and what will make a difference is how my children will be whenever I bring them home. Right now the list sits at (in the order I plan to bring them home)
Aleksei Zakary (Aleksei came from the last Csar's son, Zakary just flows with it)
Aubrey Ezekiel (Aubrey from my grant grandfather and my brother, Ezekiel because I just can't get the name outta my head)
Kaelin James (My first name I ever chose... It just has sentementail value at this point)
and Elisabeth Catherine (after my grandmother who passed away when I was 6).
Of course there are many factors... namely their age. Much like you, if my child is over 4/5 I don't plan to change their whole name, or if my children have Russian names I have fallen in love with (Stas, Vitalik, Nikolai). Other than that, I think a new name is in order for their new lives... but I do plan to tell them about their Russian names as they grow.
Random and Odd - Heaven Leigh was on my list of names too at one point, also because of the V.C. Andrews book! I do like the names you chose for your kids though, especially Shea Leih. I also like the separation of one traditional name into two names (Kara Lynn). I had a similar name on my list too, "Emma Leigh." As for naming a child after a husband's ex-girlfriend, I also would have said, "HELL NO!" And then I probably would have kicked him.
Kate - No problem about the tag. I think your weird post was stuck in my head, which is probably why you came to mind when I was doing tags!
Hawk - Beautiful names! I especially like Elisabeth Catherine. Aleksei and Catherine are both very Russian, so maybe you'll be referred a child who already has one of those names?
The name I always wanted to use was Jasmine, but then I discarded it after the disney movie Alladin came out and Jasmine became popular for awhile. Now I kind of wish I had kept it because Pineapple has the exact coloring of Jasmine in the Alladin cartoon and it would have been cute!
BTW I LOVE the name ViKa- I am glad you kept it!
I think people should just go with what is in their hearts. If you like a name go with it, if you feel you should keep the child's given name go with that. You and the child need to live with the name for a long time. So be happy with your decision. I don't think people should feel like they are doing something wrong or feel guilty if they change the given name. Many of these kids weren't even given their name by their birthparents. A lot of the children left in the hospitals were given names by hospital staff.
I love both your children's names. They suit your children and your family. I am happy we kept our children's names as their middle names, but chose names we loved as their first names.
Truth be told, one of my turned down referrals was named Ekaterina. I was going to keep that name for her because I loved it and it fit her. The name should fit the child and everyone should be happy with it.
If it's not too personal, what happened to their birth families?
I love their names, and I think it's great that they're russian names, not to mention they both sound like strong names to me, if that makes any sense.
I was alone when I had my daughter, and I found her name in a book (Ariel Nichole). However, when I had my son, I was married. We did NOT agree on a name either, and knew from about 6 months he was a boy. So after much of the same you and your hubby went through, I did the same thing. I told him to name our son. After all, it was his son, and we couldn't come to any agreements, so I was going to go with what he picked (if it wasn't horrible!!). He picked Tyler Keith. Tyler from a book, Keith after his deceased maternal grandfather. I think both of their names fit them well!
I always wanted my son to be named Austin, and a few years ago, I came across the name Giavanna (not sure what spelling I'd use).
I don't see anymore children in my future, for a few reasons, but I'll always hold on to those names, and maybe when I have grandchildren, I'll have some pull on the names :-)
Arlene - no, your question is not too personal. Vika and Eamon are bio-siblings (even though the do not look alike), and were placed in the orphanage by their birth mother at a very young age. She was very young herself, and had problems with alcohol (maybe drugs too - not sure). In fact, she had grown up in an orphanage as well, and so did not really know how to be a mom. In the end, her parental rights were terminated due to "lack of interest" in her children, and the kids were made available for adoption.
I'm so glad that I was able to adopt Vika and Eamon, but I'm also a bit torn because of the sadness I know some of their Russian family feels as a result of losing them. We have tried to get in contact with their birth family, to at least send pictures, but have not had any luck so far.
OOohh this is a great post! I too am name crazed as you probably remember from my LONG list! However, here, in the homestudy, they even address changing names and strongly advise against it, for many of the same reasons you said. I know here that the VAST majority, estimated to be around 90% keep their children's names, others twig them slightly, but keep very similar.
I love names, and have very strong likes and dislikes. I am not sure exactly what I will do until I have my referrals, but, I would think at the very least I will keep some form of their birthname, either as a first or middle name. However, with Guatemala Jesus is a name commonly found, somehow I think that may be a little hard to live up to!!!!
I love the Russian names-I just can't help it and I love untraditional names too- ones that make you say WOW now that is different but cool in a way!
So we had a list of acceptable and just too far off. If our kids names fell into the acceptable then we would keep it if it felt right and they would all get an americanized middle name.
So as history goes
We have a Vitaly Allen; Nikolai (was named Kostantine (Kostya) but we changed this one)Alexander; and Oksana Elizabeth!
They fit them great!
I was adopted and all I can say is thank God my parents didn't keep the name given to me by my birthmom! I'm definitely not a Mary Ellen. I have met other adoptees though, who have said when they found their birth parents and found out the names they were given at birth, they thought that those names fit them better. Frankly, I don't like either of my choices! LOL! I love the name Vika! It's so pretty! :)
I've had my childrens names picked out since I was 15, sadly with my married name due to the initials and suck several had to be ditched purely for those reasons.
Now I just love listeneing to how other people chose their childrens names :)