An Increase in Tension
Lately things have been a bit hectic in our house. Vika and Eamon have been testing boundaries, and as a result, getting into increasingly more trouble. There are a few reasons which I believe are contributing to this negative trend, the first of which is easily fixable: Valentine's Day candy.
On Valentine's Day, Vika's kindergarten class had a "Friendship Day" at school, and Eamon was invited to attend (he and Vika's teacher adore each other). It was wonderful to see Eamon hanging with the kindergartners, and observe how he behaved in a classroom setting (he did pretty well, but his attention span could definitely use some maturing). However, in addition to the fun classroom activities, there were also lots, and lots of sweets. Cupcakes, candy hearts, and chocolate kisses were all within the reach of his sticky little hands. He and Vika came home with bags of booty, which I put in a "safe place" to help regulate their sugar intake. Or so I thought...
Throughout the afternoon, Vika and Eamon were each put into time-outs for aggressive behavior (now that the kids are attached, we've begun using time-outs instead of time-ins). We have not had to use these very frequently - usually a verbal warning and a docking of TV-time helps them remember to follow the house rules. But both of them showed aggressive behavior towards each other, which continued even after I issued a warning and gave them suggestions on how to handle their frustration in a more appropriate manner.
So, at different times in the afternoon, they were each put into time outs. Eamon's time-out even became aggressive and violent. He repeatedly came out of the time-out and hit me. Once he even tried to bite my hand as I was sitting him back down. I did my best not to engage in his negative behavior, but it was so hard! Finally, he got the idea that no matter what he did, I was not giving up, and would be sitting him back down until he served his 4 minutes time. At that point he sat, wimpering over the unfairness of life, while I folded laundry in the next room (where I could still see him and he could see me).
I was at a loss to explain why this sudden outbreak in hostilities was occurring in our house. Then as I was putting away some of Eamon's clothes, I found about 10 Hershey's Kisses wrappers littering the floor of his closet. Similar wrappers were discovered in Vika's trashcan. They had both sneaked candy up to their rooms, where they hid, eating it quickly as I worked downstairs. The unusually high intake of sugar and caffeine must have created quite a rush in their little bodies, and I believe it was partly to blame for their aggressive behavior.
However, the second reason for the escalation in testiness is a bit more difficult to solve: my increased work schedule. For the past year, I would sub maybe once or twice a week, with a total of about 4 days a month. Now, I am subbing 2 and 3 days a week, with calls coming in on a regular basis. As a result, I am not home with Eamon and Vika all day, every day, and I think this may be a bit hard for them to understand. Vika has been trying to wake up early, so she can have breakfast with me before I leave for school. If she does wake up early, she doesn't get enough sleep, and if she is not able to wake up in time to see me off, she is disappointed. Either scenario results in an angry little girl. Eamon has become a bit more angry towards me as well. It is almost the same situation I faced after coming home from a trip to Chicago with my mom last summer.
So, what happens next year, when I hope to go back to work full-time? Being a stay-at-home-mom and an occasional teacher has been great, and I'm glad we have been able to afford the loss of my regular income for as long as we have (much longer than we thought we would, in fact). However, there comes a time when I need to start contributing to the family finances and put my hard-earned teaching credential to use. How do we help the kids prepare for this change in my employment status, without having full-blown nastiness in the house?
Have any of you had to deal with this? If so, how did you get through it? Hopefully having both kids in school will help distract them from the fact that I am not home with them all day (Eamon will either be in preschool or kindergarten, and Vika will be in first grade). I have enjoyed staying home with my kids, but a part of me also wants to get back to doing something that is just mine. I want to do what I've been trained to and help make a difference in the lives of children.
I just don't want to make my own children miserable as a result.
On Valentine's Day, Vika's kindergarten class had a "Friendship Day" at school, and Eamon was invited to attend (he and Vika's teacher adore each other). It was wonderful to see Eamon hanging with the kindergartners, and observe how he behaved in a classroom setting (he did pretty well, but his attention span could definitely use some maturing). However, in addition to the fun classroom activities, there were also lots, and lots of sweets. Cupcakes, candy hearts, and chocolate kisses were all within the reach of his sticky little hands. He and Vika came home with bags of booty, which I put in a "safe place" to help regulate their sugar intake. Or so I thought...
Throughout the afternoon, Vika and Eamon were each put into time-outs for aggressive behavior (now that the kids are attached, we've begun using time-outs instead of time-ins). We have not had to use these very frequently - usually a verbal warning and a docking of TV-time helps them remember to follow the house rules. But both of them showed aggressive behavior towards each other, which continued even after I issued a warning and gave them suggestions on how to handle their frustration in a more appropriate manner.
So, at different times in the afternoon, they were each put into time outs. Eamon's time-out even became aggressive and violent. He repeatedly came out of the time-out and hit me. Once he even tried to bite my hand as I was sitting him back down. I did my best not to engage in his negative behavior, but it was so hard! Finally, he got the idea that no matter what he did, I was not giving up, and would be sitting him back down until he served his 4 minutes time. At that point he sat, wimpering over the unfairness of life, while I folded laundry in the next room (where I could still see him and he could see me).
I was at a loss to explain why this sudden outbreak in hostilities was occurring in our house. Then as I was putting away some of Eamon's clothes, I found about 10 Hershey's Kisses wrappers littering the floor of his closet. Similar wrappers were discovered in Vika's trashcan. They had both sneaked candy up to their rooms, where they hid, eating it quickly as I worked downstairs. The unusually high intake of sugar and caffeine must have created quite a rush in their little bodies, and I believe it was partly to blame for their aggressive behavior.
However, the second reason for the escalation in testiness is a bit more difficult to solve: my increased work schedule. For the past year, I would sub maybe once or twice a week, with a total of about 4 days a month. Now, I am subbing 2 and 3 days a week, with calls coming in on a regular basis. As a result, I am not home with Eamon and Vika all day, every day, and I think this may be a bit hard for them to understand. Vika has been trying to wake up early, so she can have breakfast with me before I leave for school. If she does wake up early, she doesn't get enough sleep, and if she is not able to wake up in time to see me off, she is disappointed. Either scenario results in an angry little girl. Eamon has become a bit more angry towards me as well. It is almost the same situation I faced after coming home from a trip to Chicago with my mom last summer.
So, what happens next year, when I hope to go back to work full-time? Being a stay-at-home-mom and an occasional teacher has been great, and I'm glad we have been able to afford the loss of my regular income for as long as we have (much longer than we thought we would, in fact). However, there comes a time when I need to start contributing to the family finances and put my hard-earned teaching credential to use. How do we help the kids prepare for this change in my employment status, without having full-blown nastiness in the house?
Have any of you had to deal with this? If so, how did you get through it? Hopefully having both kids in school will help distract them from the fact that I am not home with them all day (Eamon will either be in preschool or kindergarten, and Vika will be in first grade). I have enjoyed staying home with my kids, but a part of me also wants to get back to doing something that is just mine. I want to do what I've been trained to and help make a difference in the lives of children.
I just don't want to make my own children miserable as a result.
I think this is a constant struggle for sahm and working moms. It's hard to balance that time away and make sure your kids are getting everything they need.
As you can imagine, I'll have no choice whatsoever when I bring a kiddo home. I've arranged with my boss to work some hours from home; that way, I can drop my kiddo at school and pick them up and not have to do any after-school care. But still I'm already worrying about it.
I'm sorry I don't have any brilliant suggestions, but I haven't really been there yet.
Having been a single mom, and a working mom, I do remember my kids (Jenni being one of them!) having difficulty when I first went back to work after being home with them the first 4 years of their lives.
What it took, primarily, was time. Eventually they came to see this as routine and acceptable. They, too, had lives outside the home that were "theirs". And, I hope, it also helped them become more independent, and gave them an awareness that moms - as well as dads - can have multiple roles.
My working also made me appreciate the time with my children more - our candlelight dinners (just the three of us), our trips together. We all had lives outside of the home, and a rich life together inside.
I am sure you are handling it so well!!!
I can so relate to Vika being angry if she couldn't see you in the morning, and then if she doesn't get enough sleep being cranky. The eldest of my 4 was the exact same (I started off fostering and working, then was at home, then had a good mix with p/t working and fostering). What I ended up doing was pushing bedtime forward 30min and it meant she was able to be up earlier, happier etc. Worked really well actually.
Like I said when I began, I am sure you are doing great, heck I know you are! This too shall pass!!
Prepare for guilt trips, as I'm sure there'll be a few. All in all though, if they're happy in school and happy in their childcare, it should all be fine after the initial week or so :-)
Hi - I just found your blog and have been enjoying reading. First, candy is probably the culprit of the nastiness. Sugar can definately bring out the worst in some kids! Also, If your kids are in school (preschool or otherwise), they will probably be fine with you going back to work. And you do need to some time that is just yours, and your career is perfect for that! Our blog is hinkleyherald.blogspot.com We have two bio sibs, and are adopting two Russian orphans. (leaving for court next week!!)
It has been nice getting to know you!