Four Feet More

In Northern California, we have a pretty strong FRUA group, but unfortunately, they are not so strong in my part of Northern California. So, in the interest of building bridges between families and all that crap, I decided to start a FRUA branch in our area. Sometimes, like the ill-fated Pumpkin Patch Trip, things don't work out so well. But other times, everything comes together nicely and we have a great turnout. Saturday was one of those times. Together with a very active FRUA Educational Coordinator, I set up a Lifebooking Seminar for families in my area. About 15 people showed up! It was great to get together, learn about lifebooking, and get some tips from a Creative Memories consultant.

However, there were two definite highlights to the day. The first was that I finally got to meet a blogger friend in real life! Stef, the beloved wife of everyone's favorite dad-in-waiting, Steve, was at the seminar. It was wonderful to finally meet her in person, although we both did feel a moment of awkwardness because, as she put it, "I feel like I've been spying on you all this time." But, we soon got over that and had a nice chat. She's a great person, and I hope to see her at future events. Maybe if I'm lucky, Steve and Baby A will attend too!

The other great thing about yesterday occurred when I was looking through another family's lifebook. On the pages about the birth family, they had actual pictures of the Russian Mama, big brother, and niece (yes, her 7 year old daughter has a niece in Russia who's about 5 years old). She also had baby pictures of her child, whom she had adopted at 4 years of age (like Vika). I was completely stunned, and more than a little envious. What a gift to have all that documentation on the birth family! God, how I wish I had baby pictures of Vika and Eamon. How did she get this information, I wondered. She replied that she had done a birth family search through a couple in St. Petersburg (who I think may be the same people Margaret told me about a while back). She not only got photos and background info, but she got a video of the birth family as well!

It all seemed so surreal. I know about Vika and Eamon's birth family, and have heard some stories of their life, but they are still shadowy figures to me. People without faces or form, whose motives I have a hard time understanding. Seeing those pictures and hearing the relinquishment and adoption stories from the birth family's perspective all of a sudden makes them seem so much more real. I would love to be able to have that info on my kids' Russian Family. It would be amazing to see their Russian Babushka, whom Vika loves so much, as well as their Russian Mama, whom Vika is supposed to be the spitting image of. Did Eamon get his fair coloring from his Russian Papa? Do they have any other siblings? All those questions might be answered.

I also think it could be an amazing gift to Vika and Eamon, to have more of a link to their past. I can see how that might backfire a bit - maybe it would be too painful for them to see? Maybe it's not a good idea to dredge up old memories of loneliness and neglect? But in the end, wouldn't the benefits far outweigh the negatives? Could doing such a search also give some kind of closure to the birth family? Maybe it would help them to know that their children are well taken care of, and that their new family honors where they come from, rather than trying to hide or ignore the family that gave them life. I'm not sure. But I am pretty sure that I want to pursue a birth family search for my kids. Hopefully it will work out well and we will get some information that will help our kids as they grow older and start to ask more questions.

Have any of you done a birth family search? If so, how did it work out for you?

*** UPDATE ***
A regular reader of my blog, who also happens to be an adult adoptee, made a very interesting point about birth family searches, which I would like to share with you all. Even though her parents always told her they would be supportive and help out if she decided to do a birth family search as an adult, when the time came where she did finally initiate the search, she said that telling her parents was one of the hardest things she has ever done. I imagine that there could be a lot of fear that maybe an adoptee's parents might feel hurt or rejected if he/she wants to find or get info on the birth family.

By initiating that search for our children, we can eliminate some of that future angst that they might feel when wanting to know more about their birth families.

Yesterday, we made our annual family trip to the local pumpkin patch. As always, I bought way too many pumpkins and miscellaneous squash, and came home with hay stuck in the most surprising places.

It's also a tradition to take a family portrait at the patch every October. While our shots did not come out as good as last year's, we still got some nice photos of the kids.


Vika on a pumpkin, and the kids by some cornstalks













Kids in the patch, and Eamon preparing to "toast" a walnut he found














This year I also planned for our local FRUA group to do a family outing at the pumpkin patch. A bunch of members were interested and excited about getting all our kids together, so I set the date and time, sent out the notices, and arranged for us to get a group rate on the tractor-pulled hay ride. Of all the families who indicated interest or RSVP'd, the actual number that showed up: one. Only one other family in addition to ours made it! What a disappointment. We tried to make the best of it, but honestly, the day was a bit of a flop. *sigh* The kids at least had a great time playing together, and I enjoyed talking to the other parents (who also adopted bio-siblings around the same age as ours). I just wish more families had come.

Oh well. Maybe next year....

On the up side, I did get about $50 worth of pumpkins for a mere $30! It pays to know the farmer's daughter. :)

We went to Northern California FRUA's Winterfest this weekend, and it was a lot of fun. Most of the NorCal FRUA groups meet in areas too far away from our home, so we have never really gotten together with any other members before.

When I first walked into the room, I began looking at all the kids around us, playfully interacting with their families and each other, and I got a little choked up. It was amazing to see so many kids who had been adopted from Eastern European orphanages, just like ours.

When I told Vika and Eamon that we were going to a place where there would be a lot of other kids adopted from Russia, they both looked at me with expressions full of joyful wonder. In fact, within minutes, Vika had already made a new "boyfriend" at the coloring table. She works fast, that girl! After finishing her artwork, she came running up to me and said, "Mama! My boyfriend over there is from Russia too!" There was so much excitement in her eyes, that I realized how she must feel different from her peers at school, and was happy about connecting with someone from a similar background.

The highlight of the festival was the Russian dancers who taught the kids how to do a few steps. Vika wanted to go up with the other kids right away, but Eamon was bit more hesitant. However, once the kids started dancing, he squirmed off my lap and bounded on-stage to join them. A little later, this man sat next to me to watch the dancing. He soon leaned over as said, "That little boy's parents shamed him into going on-stage. He stood there, surrounded by all those girls and looked like he was going to throw up!" Well, since Eamon was the only little boy on-stage, I figured the man was talking about him. He confirmed my assumption when he said, "See that little boy in the yellow shirt?" I cheerfully responded, "That's my son! He wanted to go up there." The guy grumbled something else under his breath, and then moved off to another seat. What a putz! Don't you just love it when a complete stranger presumes to know your motivations as a parent or what your child is feeling? I think the fact that Eamon kept running gleefully off-stage to give Jeff and I a happy hug after learning each new dance step, and then just as quickly ran back on-stage to make sure he didn't miss the next bit showed that there was no shame involved. Plus, Eamon made a new friend in the male dance instructor, Misha (whose legs were the size of tree trunks!). He chatted to him quite a bit, in his animated little way, and one of the other moms came up to me and said how "charismatic" Eamon was. :) I hope he keeps that trait.

Here are some pictures from the day.

Eamon and Misha


Misha lifting Vika