Four Feet More

Time to wipe off the dust and sweep away the cobwebs hanging around Four Feet More.  I've wanted to post oh so many times in recent weeks, but life keeps getting in the way.

A constant distraction is my little student (we'll call her Jane), who I believe has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  I've begun playing a covert game of "opposites" with her, just to get through the day.  If I want her to stand I'll say, "Jane, can you please sit over there?  Thanks!"  Then she'll come and stand by me.  If I want her to sit, I'll say, "Jane, I need you to stand over here.  Please do NOT sit in that chair."  Then she'll go and sit in the chair, looking quite smug about defying me.  This of course sends the rest of the kindergartners into a tizzy, "Mrs. ____!  Jane is sitting in the chair!"  I just sigh and say, "Jane's going to do what she wants, I guess."  So far, this game has been working, but it's a bit tedious and exhausting.  And I'm not sure if it will last through the end of the school year.  Fingers crossed, it will, and hopefully next year's teacher will have more success curbing her ODD than I.  We've got just 18 days left until Summer Break - I think I can make it!

About next year... I've been told by both my principal and the union that because there are so many surplussed tenured teachers (due to education budget cuts), the chances of temporary (non-tenured) teachers getting hired back next year is, "slim-to-none."  Here we go again.  Another summer of uncertainty and that unsettling feeling of "will we make it financially?"  Part of me is looking forward to being laid off though.  I can maybe do substitute teaching, and help Jeff with his real estate business.  Or perhaps I'll homeschool Eamon (Vika would not be a good homeschooling candidate, for a variety of reasons).  With the increased class sizes, no prep time, and 10% pay cut teachers in my district are facing next year, it might be a good time to sub.  Maybe by the Fall of 2011, the state of California will open it's eyes and start making education more of a funding priority.

On the homefront, May has been a bit unsettled too.  Perhaps because of the stress I'm dealing with at work, I don't have the patience to deal with the stresses at home.  Jeff and I have been very conscious of our reactions and trying to remain calm, but the kids definitely do test us.  One such moment came last weekend.  Eamon's PTSD was in full swing and he was in a rage about something so minor,  that now I don't even remember what it was.  The rage took on a scary form though, kind of like those we saw during our first months home with the kids.  I actually had to do holding time with Eames, something we haven't done in years.  For those of you not experienced with therapeutic parenting, "holding time" is essentially when a parent holds a child through their rages, both to keep them and the people around them safe, but also to show them that even when their behavior is at it's ugliest, we are still there, helping them through it and loving them.  And Eamon's rage was ugly.  He was screaming at me, yelling hurtful things and trying to hit me.  It was almost as if I was exorcising a demon.  You have to know Eamon to understand how bad this was. He is such a sweet, affectionate child who would give up his favorite toy if it would make someone happy.  He is constantly telling me he loves me and saying "Cheek!" - my signal to give him my cheek to kiss and then kiss his cheek in return.  For him to act like this, something had to be really wrong.  The frustrating thing is, I have no idea what it was!  He has no idea what was causing him to behave that way either.  It's a problem with no clear source and no clear fix.  So, I held him through his rage, breathing calmly, telling him I loved him in a soft voice and encouraging him to calm down.  Which he eventually did do.  Then I got up, went into my bedroom and cried. 

I was so drained, both physically and emotionally, and it was incredibly painful to see my son acting that way.  While I was hiding, Eamon burst into the bedroom, perhaps ready to initiate another fight.  But then he saw me crying, and his little body just deflated.  He sat down beside me, kissed my head and began rubbing my back.  I hugged him and then asked if I could have some time alone to collect myself.  He said yes, and left the room.  About 5 minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Eamon came in carrying the drawing below.  I asked him what it showed and he said, "That's you, Mama, being calm and showing love, and that's me being angry.  But you're still holding my hand."  On the back of the paper was written in big green letters, "I am sory mama."


Poor guy.  I didn't mean to make him feel guilty, which is why I went into the bedroom to cry.  But he saw me and felt guilty anyway.  However, since that day, it seems that Eamon and I have come to a bit of an understanding.  We're almost back to the relationship we had before he started school, and he seems much happier this week than he's been in months.  So, while this incident was one of the worst ever, I think it was good that it happened.  Hopefully we'll soon get to the bottom of what's been eating at the boy so that we can deal with the problem and move forward.

On a positive note, Vika's progress report from school came back with outstanding marks!  She has struggled a bit academically, so it was wonderful to see her success.  She even received and A+ on a science test (an especially impressive achievement to her science-challenged mama)!  The girl's been devouring chapter books and really seems to be coming into her own academically.  In a month of "steps back," this was a very satisfying "step forward."  Go Vika!

So, there is it.  My month so far in a rather large nutshell.  Hopefully once school gets out I'll be a more regular blog poster and reader.  Thank goodness for Facebook, or I'd be out of the loop entirely!

It's been a bit unsettled here lately, and a lot has been going on.  Chalk it up to Spring Fever, or March Madness, but I feel as if we've taken a few big steps back in our household.  I haven't posted in a while, so this one's going to be long.  You have been warned.

It began a few weeks ago when Vika casually mentioned at dinner that she had to turn in her Endangered Species report by Friday or else she would get a D-.  This was the first time Jeff or I were even hearing about this report, so a tiny, yellow flag began to wave in my mind, encouraging me to investigate further.  Vika explained that her teacher has assigned the report the day before and that she only had 3 days to finish it.  By this time, the yellow flag had been replaced with a wildly flapping red one, and I knew that I was not getting the truth.  Vika's teacher generally gives them weeks to complete a report, not days, so I voiced my confusion over why she changed this pattern.  I offered to e-mail her teacher to find out why she wasn't giving them as much time on the report and see what we could work out. A look of panic crossed over Vika's face, and she came up with one excuse after another why I shouldn't contact her teacher.  Finally, I put an end to the game and told her that I didn't think we were getting the truth and that I would like to have it now, please.  It turns out that the report was overdue and that Vika had not only lied to us about it, but to her teacher as well.   While helping Vika look for the report rubric in her room, I also found several incomplete homework assignments in her garbage can.   It was incredibly disheartening, because I thought we had conquered this problem.  Vika has had trouble with homework in the past, but she really seemed to be on it this year, and I thought those days were behind us.

Our new "I'm Sorry Steps" were put to the test when we had Vika write a letter of apology to her teacher.  This consequence seemed to affect Vika more than the restriction from TV and computer (to help her better focus on her school work).  She really likes her teacher and wants Mrs. M to have a good opinion of her.  She asked me several times if I could just e-mail Mrs. M to explain what happened and set up a homework checking system.  But I held firm, repeating that it was her school work and her responsibility, not mine.  And while our trust in Vika has been pretty well eroded by this, I have to say I am proud of how she handled things with her teacher.  She arranged a homework recording system that has to be initialed by both us and Mrs. M, and delivered a well-written note of apology.  Vika seems to be back on track, and hopefully this time, it will stick.

Last weekend, we had another incident occur that threw me for a loop.  On March 10th, Jeff had knee surgery to repair a meniscus tear.  He came through it OK, but has been hobbling around like an old man ever since.  The kids aren't used to seeing him like this (Jeff's very active), and I think it's made them a bit nervous.  On Sunday, things got worse when I became sick.  In a fit of Spring Cleaning, I had scrubbed down my shower with this new tile cleaner, and began to feel quite woozy.  By lunchtime, the room was spinning and I couldn't get out of bed, I was so dizzy.  We desperately needed groceries, so while I took a rest, Jeff limped off to the grocery store, leaving the kids pretty much unattended for an hour.  We all know how that goes, but Vika and Eamon had assured us that they would be safe and take care of me while he was gone.  When Jeff got home, I was feeling a bit less dizzy, so I made my way downstairs for a snack of Saltines and peppermint tea.  Jeff and the kids joined me, and while we ate, Vika, the master of casual asides, mentioned that Eamon had peed in the litterbox and cat area. 

Jeff and I looked at each other in stunned silence.  I mean, really?  We were having urination in the household thrown at us now, more than 4 years after bringing the kids home?   Fortunately, we managed to keep our cool (most likely due to the fact that neither one of us had the energy to get angry).  I looked at Eamon and said, "Wow.  That's surprising.  Well, no worries.  You'll have plenty of time to clean up the cat area before dinner."  A temper tantrum ensued - Eamon was really upset (ashamed?) that he had been caught, and let us know in no uncertain terms how "mean" we were being to him.  All the drama took it's toll, and I began to feel dizzy and nauseous again.  I barely made it upstairs to find that my bedroom door had been closed and locked.  I laid down in front of the door, trying not to get sick again, as Jeff got the key to open it.  Only the key didn't work.  Eamon had tried to pick the lock with a pencil and the lead had broken off in the keyhole.  At this point, Jeff's calm evaporated and a display of anger which has rarely been seen in our house ensued.  Between the pain in his knee, me being so sick, Eamon's misbehavior, and Vika "stirring the pot", it was all just too much.  The kids were sent to bed while I threw up and Jeff regrouped.

Let me just say at this point that ours' is not usually a dramatic household, so Sunday was definitely a wake-up call.  As a parent of children with traumatic backgrounds, I find myself constantly questioning whether their behavior is typical kid stuff, or indicative of lingering issues from their time in the orphanage.  How much is related to attachment or post-traumatic stress, and how much is just kids testing the limits?  I'm not sure I'll ever really figure that out.  This is the only reality I've ever known, and I've got to take it as it is.  One thing is certain though.  As things have seemed to move backwards, Jeff and I have definitely fanned the flames with our increasingly angry reactions.  We've got to work to be more consistent with the Love and Logic approach, even when behaviors catch us off guard.  That's the challenge we now face.

After writing this post, I asked Eames, "So, what was the deal with that whole peeing in the litterbox thing again?"  He replied that he and Vika were playing "cats."  So, I'm feeling better that this was an instance of kids being kids, rather than a PTSD reaction to Jeff and I not being at full capacity.

It's that time of year again.  The time when school districts across California lay off teachers in an effort to save money.  You may have seen something on the news last Thursday when protesters shut down a major freeway near Oakland in an effort to raise awareness of the educational crisis.  I'm sure their actions raised a lot of sympathy with the commuters who were stuck in gridlocked traffic for hours as a result.  *sigh*  Anyway, traditionally, we get our pink slips on the "Ides of March" (March 15th for the less Shakespearean of my readers).  This year they came a week early.

On Friday afternoon I received a call from the secretary asking me to meet with our principal in her office.  I immediately stopped what I was doing and headed out (it's rarely a good thing to be called to the principal's office).  As I was leaving my class, one of the women who works at our after school daycare, said, "Are you going to the office?"  At my affirmative answer she warned, "Well watch out!  Jenna's mom is down there and she's FURIOUS!"  To provide a little background, Jenna (name has been changed) is an extremely bright student of mine who has the misfortune of having a mother who is less-than-pleasant, thinks of school as free daycare, and rarely gets her daughter to class on time.  Oh, and she's got a major chip on her shoulder.  Like a Rock-of-Gibraltar-sized-chip.  But back to my story....  In alarm I asked, "What's she mad about?"  Apparently Jenna had an accident (pooped) in her pants at daycare, and mom was mad that she had to take time out of her day to deal with it. 

In growing dread, I walked down to the office, ready to fend off any attack this woman might throw at me.  Past history has shown that she's the type of person who believes a good defense is an offense and will try to blame anyone else but herself for failures on her daughter's part. 

As I approached the office, I saw my friend, T, another temporary teacher, heading there as well.  She mimed something about signing papers, but I still expected a confrontation with Jenna's mom.  When T explained that we were probably getting our pink slips, I felt tremendous relief!  As the principal asked me to sign for my lay-off letter, I said, "Oh good!  I thought I was going to have to deal with Jenna's angry mom and poop pants!"  We all laughed and then T and I merrily went on our way.

That's the way things are now.  We've been laid-off so much that we've become desensitized to losing our jobs!  And this year is even more dire than last year was, with class sizes increasing across the board and all prep classes going away.  Unless there is a huge wave of retirement (which some people think is likely), there simply won't be positions available for the laid-off teachers to fill in the Fall.  It's the same old story.  But after three years, it's getting less interesting.

What follows are some completely unrelated bits of information which I will attempt to link together with creative segues:

First off, I finally finished my February Lady Sweater! I had set it aside but rediscovered it this summer, when I began working on the sweater with the goal of having it done in time for Fall. The garter-stitch top was easy, but the lace pattern for the body and sleeves gave me a bit of trouble. In fact, I had to rip the dang thing out 6 times before I got into the rhythm of the pattern. Watching T.V. while knitting certainly didn't help, but towards the end of the sweater, I was able to do both. Here is the finished result:

I actually made clothes for myself! I think I may do it more often (especially since I won't leave my sweaters lying on the playground to be trampled by hundreds of children, as Vika and Eamon do). I'm still not sure about the length of the sleeves - they seem like they should be either longer or shorter. But I don't have it in me to rip them out and finish them again, so I think I'll leave them this way for now.

The show that kept distracting me from the lace rows in this pattern is one Jeff and I recently discovered called "Firefly". We got it on Netflix in order to alleviate our "Star Trek" cravings (that movie will be released on DVD in November), and were pleasantly surprised. The show is on DVD because it was canceled after one season, which is a huge shame, really. "Firefly" is a SciFi Western, which despite the contradictory nature of the genre, is actually a lot of fun. My favorite lines from the show so far: "Well, my days of taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle." and "Your mouth's talking. You might want to do something about that." I would love to use that last line in my everyday life, but I think it would make my kindergartners cry.

Speaking of my students, have I mentioned that 3 of my kids have life-threatening food allergies? Well, two of those kids had allergic reactions last week, and it kind of freaked me out. Fortunately, I didn't have to use the epi-pens stored in the classroom, but it still was pretty scary. I really feel for their parents, having to deal with this on a day-to-day basis. Hopefully we'll get through the year with the epi-pens still unused, and all three kids happily going off to terrify a first grade teacher next Fall!

Have a great weekend everyone!

So, kindergarten.... It's going well, and I think I am adjusting OK without emotionally scarring any of my students. They are just so tiny and tend to cry very easily. Something I'm not really used to in my students. Here are some other things I didn't expect:

• "Johnny Ringo." He's this very cute little boy who cusses like a sailor and tends to scream "I GIVE UP" when he doesn't want to do something. He also likes to yell, "IT'S NO FRICKIN' FAIR!" and "DAMN IT!!!" when things don't go his way. As you can probably imagine, Johnny Ringo has been in more than a few time-outs (another thing I'm not used to giving my students).
• My Jehovah's Witness student who said "Shit!" when she dropped her crayon. I don't know... I guess I just assumed that Jehovah's Witnesses didn't use curse words!
• A student I think of as "Little Boy Blue" because he is so very tiny and has big blue eyes. He's 4 years old and likes to suck his thumb. His hands also tend to roam up my shirt and up my pants, leaving a wet trail wherever they go. On Friday, while I was reading a story to the class he sat next to me and held my arm. I just ignored it, until I felt warm wetness and looked down to see him sucking my arm. Ewww. Just ewwww.

There are some fun times with the kinders too. For example, my birthday was yesterday, and when I told them I was having a birthday, they naturally asked, "HOW OLD ARE YOU GOING TO BE?" (kindergarten kids tend to shout out when they are excited). I responded that I was going to be 6 years old, and they exploded into raptures, "I"M GOING TO BE SIX THIS YEAR TOO!!!!" They love it that we have something in common, and a few of them have wondered aloud if they will be as tall as me when they turn 6. Later on I might have them add 30 to that number to get my actual age, but probably not. ;)

In the end, despite the learning curve, I am enjoying kindergarten. I love being done with the direct teaching at 11:25 am when my kids (the early birds) leave for the day. I only have to be "on" for half a day, and it's quite nice! I also like having a bit of prep time during the afternoon, something that is a rare commodity in my school district these days (teacher prep time was cut because of the budget). And fortunately, I am working with a great partner who has everything I could possibly need to teach the hands-on lessons. She's also great about letting me pick her brain as I learn the new grade level.

I think it is going to be a good year, and, at the very least, it should give me some great stories!

Today was the first day of school, and also my first day teaching kindergarten. Making the leap from 5th and 6th grade to kinder has been quite an adjustment. While I like the shorter teaching days (I teach for 3.5 hours and assist the afternoon teacher for 3 hours), and am glad for the easier grading, I'm also mourning the loss of my history curriculum. History is a great love of mine, and I had the best time teaching Ancient Civilizations and US History. I believe kindergarten Social Studies consists of topics like what it means to be a good citizen and maybe a lesson or two on police officers and firefighters. All important things, to be sure, but not really my area of interest.

The other adjustment has been how I will relate to my students. I'm one of those teachers who tends to call her students "Dude," and I'm not sure how it will fly the first time I let a "dude" slip with 5 year olds. One of my 5th grade colleagues said that me teaching kindergarten is "like Rodney Dangerfield teaching kindergarten." I'm not quite sure how to take that. (I get no respect, I tell ya!). Since this teacher likes me, I think I'll take it as an observation of my playful quirkiness, rather than an actual criticism.

Adding to my kinder-anxiety is the fact that I have 3 kids with severe food allergies in my class (both from ingestion and contact), 2 of which are life-threatening and require epi-pens. Fortunately the parents of two of the kids are pretty reasonable an practical about the difficulties presented by a kindergarten situation. We've been working together to make the classroom and playground as safe as possible for their children. The third parent... well, let's just say that the jury is still out on that one (although I think a verdict of "crazy" may be imminent).

Despite these anxieties, today went surprisingly well. The kids were all pretty sweet and seemed to enjoy being in class. There was one "Oh crap!" moment when I had the kids sorting school supplies on the big carpet while I brought students to their cubbies one by one. After I led a child to her cubbie, I turned back to the carpet to see kleenex tissues flying in the air. Sitting in the midst of this tissue downpour was a little girl, gleefully tearing kleenex from every box around her. I so did not anticipate that! When I asked her to stop, she looked up at me in confusion and said, "But they're my Kleenex."

Kindergartners will certainly keep you on your toes.

Hopefully tomorrow will go even better and by the end of the month, the kids and I will have our routines down. I think it is going to be a very interesting year.

Well, we're back. Back from our Disney World vacation and back to the daily grind. *sigh* It's always hard to return to normal life, but we did make some good memories on the trip. Here are a few highlights:

• As always, the FOOD. We love the Boma restaurant in the Animal Kingdom lodge and returned there this trip. Excellent African-inspired dishes and a delicious bread pudding with chocolate rum sauce for dessert! If you're heading to DisneyWorld in the future, I recommend checking this place out. Just make your reservations for sometime in the 4-5 pm hour, otherwise you may have to wait in long lines to get your food.
  
• We also went to the Coral Reef restaurant in Epcot, which was quite an experience. The entire wall is a window into a giant aquarium, and we were seated right next to it. The view, the food, and the service were all excellent. There's just something so relaxing about watching sea turtles and stingrays glide by as you enjoy a well-cooked meal.
• Meeting the Mad Hatter at breakfast. I'm not really an Alice in Wonderland fan - for some reason, I find it all a bit disturbing. But the guy who did the Mad Hatter was a lot of fun. He reminded me of many of the actors I worked with in musical theatre (IF you know what I mean....) and he sat and chatted with us for quite a while. Vika and Eamon were completely charmed by him, unlike the girl at the next table who ran to her mother, wailing hysterically as he approached.
• The absolute, number 1 highlight of this vacation for me was supplied by Eamon. Now, there's no way to sugar-coat this, but for much of the trip, the boy was a bit of a pansy. He got really scared on Splash Mountain and cried (with tears) through Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, screaming "I WANT TO GET OFF!" soon after the ride began. It was strange because he loved both rides last year at Disneyland - I'm not sure what happened to heighten his fear. In line for every ride we went of after Thunder Mountain, Eamon asked, "Is this one fast? Are there any bumps?" In the Winnie The Pooh ride line he asked this! So, Jeff and I pretty much agreed that Expedition Everest was not going to be Eamon's cup of tea (for those of you who haven't been to DW recently, it's a roller coaster that goes through "Mt. Everest" at high speeds, both forwards and backwards, with a close encounter of the Yeti kind). Finally, the day came when we were ready to tackle Everest. Jeff and I had devised a plan where we would take turns on the ride, so one of us could be with Eamon at all times. However, as we approached the line, Eamon said, "I wanna do it." "What?" I asked, "Are you sure?" Eamon replied, "Yes Mama, I think I can do it." As we walked through the line, Eamon was very quiet and tense, taking everything in. When it was our turn to get onto the train, Eamon sat down stiffly and began to shake. "Are you OK?" I asked, and he just nodded. Then the train began moving, and I looked over, prepared to see an expression of terror on the boy's face. What I saw instead completely surprised me - Eamon had lifted his hands in the air and was wearing a big smile on his face! He kept his hands up for most of the ride, sometimes letting out an exhilarated yell. The boy looked like he was having so much fun, only betraying his fear once towards the end of the ride when he asked, "Mama, is it almost over?" When I answered yes, he replied, "Good!" However, after the ride, Eames was completely giddy that he had done it. I was so proud of him for conquering his fear and enjoying the ride, and it was clear that he was pretty proud of himself too. What a little stud!
  

Unfortunately, all good things must end, so now we're home, with piles of laundry to do and groceries to buy (which I hope Jeff is out doing right now, since I'm plopped in front of the computer).

One other bit of news happened during my vacation. I got a call from the district offering me a teaching job! Kind of.... but I'll get to that in a bit. The original offer was to teach 2nd grade at the lowest performing school in the district. It wasn't an ideal position, but there are some benefits to teaching in the primary grades, regardless of the school, so I was prepared to accept it. Then, when I got home, I heard a rumor that I was put in a kindergarten position at my old school instead. I confirmed the rumor this afternoon, so now it looks as if I'll be teaching really little kids this year! It's going to be quite a change, but I'll be in a school I know, with teachers who are my friends and who will help me find my footing.

The main bummer about this whole thing is that this isn't a real teaching position. Our district is re-hiring laid-off teachers as "long-term subs," which means that we'll be doing all the same work, but for less than half of our regular teaching salary and no benefits. And, if I don't accept the position, then I'll be off the District re-hire list for good. Nice, don't you think? They may make it a temporary contract in October (what all newer teachers are hired under), which would get me back to my regular pay. If they don't though, I'll have to reassess what I'm going to do at that time. I mean, if they are going to pay me as a sub, with no benefits, than I might as well work as a day sub, with the flexibility and shorter hours justified by the lower pay (no after school meetings or evening/weekend grading). Hopefully that won't happen though and I, along with the other 60 teachers who have been hired back, will get a regular teaching contract. I'll keep you posted.

Ah, camp. That childhood rite of passage, which I did not experience until last week, at the ripe old age of 35. Every year, the fifth graders at our school go to Science Camp. As a teacher, I was also required to go to camp, and despite my dislike of camping in general, I had a good time. It was great seeing our fifth graders in a whole new light, experiencing things they had never encountered before. One student in particular, R, is a bully on campus and spends A LOT of time in the office. But at camp, R really blossomed! He conquered his fear of heights, worked well as part of a "survival team," and even showed impeccable manners at the dinner table! R comes from a poor, Hispanic family and had never even been in the woods before this trip. I hope it made an impression on him and he learned what a great kid he truly is.

Another interesting part of the trip was T, a girl whom I taught in first grade, but thankfully is in another classroom for fifth grade. T has oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). If you don't know what that is, look it up - it's very interesting. T was in my group, and she hit the ground digging in her heels. We started off with wilderness survival skills and a lesson on using a compass. T refused to differentiate between the arrows on the compass, and despite the intervention of several parents, she maintained her stance that the spinning arrow was the one she should follow. It was actually kind of amusing to watch parent after parent try to coax and persuade T to use the compass correctly. Finally, I intervened saying, "T, if that's the way you want to use the compass, go ahead. Of course, you may get lost in the woods, but I'm sure we'll be loud enough that you'll find us eventually!"

After that, T pretty much gave up the compass fight.

Then it became all about not stepping on any plants because either they were poisonous or she didn't want to hurt them (it's pretty hard to avoid plants in a forest). Or she wouldn't climb over a log because there was a single ant on it. Finally, all the parents caught on to her game, and it became a bit of a joke among us as to how T would react to each new situation. If the camp counselor asked everyone to sit down, T stood up. When she asked us to stand up, T sat down. Finally the counselor took me aside and said, "What is WITH that girl?!"

T wasn't the only stresser of the trip though. There was also the usual fifth grade girl drama, which for some reason, I became the mediator for. "Mrs. P, N is trying to steal my friends!" Or, "Mrs. P, I need to move out of that dorm because none of the girls are talking to me! They're all mad at me for some reason!" *sigh* It was exhausting! I don't think the girls appreciated the advice I gave them either, which was basically, "This is why when I was your age, I hung out with boys!" Oh well, my pearls of wisdom only go so far.

Vika's reading skills have improved tremendously over the past year, which is a wonderful thing except for one teeny, tiny problem. She now is able to read over my shoulder as I type these blog posts, and has taken to censoring or vetoing the things I write about her. *sigh* It's quite tedious, but since I am putting these stories out there for anyone to read, I should respect her right to control the flow of information. That's why there haven't been a lot of Vika posts lately. However, she and I have now struck a deal - I can post a couple of slightly embarrassing things about her, as long as I post her dinosaur report for everyone to read as well. This option is better than her earlier suggestion, which was that we print out a bunch of copies of the report and then sell them to people on the street for $5 each. That's my girl - always looking for a way to make a quick buck!

She's also a D.I.T. (diva in training). I was reminded of this fact the other day when I heard a loud pitched wail coming from her room. Thinking she had gotten hurt, I rushed over to take care of the problem. What did I see? My daughter, sitting in front of her bedroom mirror, practicing crying. Can anyone say "Drama Queen?" Since that incident, I've begun responding her crying a bit more cautiously. And now that she knows we're on to her, she's using the tears tactic less and less.

And now, without any further ado, I give you Vika's second grade masterpiece, her dinosaur report (which luckily, she was able to type up and use spell-check on).



For my research project I chose to learn about the Barosaurus. The Barosaurus lived during the Jurassic Period, which was a long time before Tyrannosaurus Rex lived. The Barosaurus looked like a big lizard with long legs and a long tail and neck. It was fat and one of the biggest dinosaurs on earth. This is why its name means “heavy lizard.” The Barosaurus lived in North American and Africa. A lot of Barosaurus skeletons were found in South Dakota and Utah. The Barosaurus was an herbivore and did not eat meat. You can tell this because it had flat teeth. To protect itself, the Barosaurus may have used its tail to fight carnivores (dinosaurs that had sharp teeth and ate meat). The Barosaurus walked on land and in water. It had hollow bones, which made it easier to move its long neck and tail. One interesting fact about the Barosaurus is that it swallowed stones to help digest the food in its stomach.

I chose to learn about the Barosaurus because it looked cool, and I thought that because it was an herbivore, it would not try to hurt people. I learned from this project that Barosauruses had hollow bones and swallowed stones to digest food just like birds do today! I liked this project and I hope you liked it too.

Things have been quite hectic at school lately. I feel like I've been running around non-stop with no breaks in sight. Added to this is the pressure of a parent, whom I'll call "Mrs. Helicopter" (Mrs. H for short). Her child did not do so well on his last report card, mostly because he doesn't turn in assignments and frequently "drifts off" in class, and she (for lack of a more delicate term) flipped out*. This has been a pattern with her son since 1st grade; however, Mrs. H is much more interested in blaming the teacher rather than addressing ways to help her son succeed. Last week, she spent hours in my classroom. Hours berating me for not suspending or retaining her son for his missing work; hours going through her son's extremely messy desk (in which we found numerous missing assignments); and hours sitting in the classroom so that she could make sure he finished an assignment and turned it in to the proper bin. Hence the name, Mrs. Helicopter. She hovers over her child so much that it's no wonder he's never learned to take responsibility for himself! When I voiced concerns about this, my words fell on deaf ears.

The final straw came when she pointed at me from across the table, red-faced with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm going to rip you apart for this one!" The issue she took such a strong objection to was that her son had not put the date on one of his papers. I calmly explained that when this happens, I have the child do "name practice" 5 times, putting name, date and assignment on the page. This was not good enough for her. She demonstrated what she would do by ripping up the paper and throwing the torn pieces on her child's desk. Then she spat out, "But you won't do that! You're too nice!"

*sigh*

After this episode, Mrs. H going through my other students' papers (something I never let parents do), yelling at a student in class while I was teaching, telling my substitute that she was allowed to stay in my room unsupervised with her son during lunch (she wanted to help him finish his test), and having the janitor let her into my room after school so that she could go through her son's desk and organize his things only served to increase my irritation. With the help of some extremely wonderful colleagues, I believe I have finally let Mrs. H know that she cannot come into the classroom and disrupt things in such a way. Unfortunately, she still does not understand that her child is a 5th grader and really needs to learn to take responsibility for his own schoolwork. At our meeting this afternoon she proudly stated, "I've told my son that if he's still not turning in his work in college, then I will be sitting right next to him there too, making sure he gets those assignments in!"

Some people just never learn....

* I send home missing assignment lists with my students every other week and require a parent signature on them, so Mrs. H should not be surprised by her son's low grades.

After school today, as I sat grading tests, I noted with both amusement and dismay some of my students answers. To be fair, one of these students is an English Language Learner who recently moved here from another country. But the other two, well they really have no excuse. We are currently covering the Revolutionary War and the Declaration of Independence. I think I may need to go back and review some key details....

Question 1: What was one good effect of having the British around?
Answer: One good effect of having the British around is that American colonists can kill them. (I guess this does make it convenient when trying to defeat your foe, but the correct answer was: The British gave the colonists protection from warring Native Americans and French and Spanish invaders.)

Question 2: How did life change for the colonists after signing the Declaration of Independence?
Answer 2 (from EL student): They get their freedom and they live like bird is flying in the sky and with love. (While I like the imagery his response brings, the correct answer is: After the colonists signed the Declaration of Independence, the Revolutionary War began, affecting the lives of many. Neighbors and families were torn apart based on their support of the British or the Patriots and there were many bloody battles until America finally won it's independence from Britain.)

Question 3: If you had lived during the Revolutionary War, which side do you think you would have been on? Why?
Answer 3: If I had lived during the war, I would have been on the American's side because I don't like red coats at all. Blue is an OK color for me." (I guess for some people, color choice is more important than political ideals.)

I love teaching about the birth of our country because the students have such interesting questions and we are able to make some wonderful connections to events that are going on today (for example, the colonists pulling down King George III's statue and Iraqis pulling down the statue of Saddam Hussein). However, with answers like the ones above, I'm also finding that students have some interesting interpretations of historical events as well.

Across the state of California tomorrow it will be "Pink Friday," a day to protest the tens of thousands of pink slips being issued to teachers. Everyone is encouraged to wear pink to show support for California's education system - which is kind of hard for me since I'm not really a pink person. But I imagine it's much harder for all the male teachers out there, who don't ever wear pink at all.

Over the past few months, and especially this last week, I've been exploring my options for next year. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't burnt out of teaching, because I am. I love working with the kids and seeing their eyes light up when they understand the curriculum and make connections to their own lives. Just this week, we did a class play about the Boston Tea Party, in which half the class acted out the roles and the rest of the class served as "techies," making costumes and sets out of whatever paper and supplies we had on hand. Orange and purple tricorn hats, made of construction paper held together with staples graced many a "patriot's" head. The kids had a fun time, and maybe learned a little more about the Boston Tea Party than they would have if they had only read of the event in a book.

However, with the state of teaching today, it is often hard to find the time to do such activities. Language arts is the main priority, and we conduct standardized testing in this area nearly every 6 weeks. Then we spend a day looking at the test scores, evaluating the data and seeing what skills we need to focus on for the next test. This practice is referred to as "backwards planning," but I suspect what it really is is "teaching to the test." One colleague has off the chart spelling scores and is given praise every testing period for those scores. Unfortunately, this teacher gives all the spelling words on the standardized test to the students early so that they can study them. This is not really what we are supposed to do - a teacher should be teaching the spelling patterns and the words throughout the unit, not feeding the words that are on the test. However, with things like merit pay and competition among teachers, such practices are going to become all the more common. Then, I wonder, how valuable and accurate are our assessments? I could teach the exact test to my kids too and I bet they would score really well. But then what happens to the actual curriculum? How well-rounded and well-educated will our students truly be when they graduate if all that is focused on is test scores?

This is the thing about education that is burning me out. Next year, with increased class size, less pay and no prep or janitorial services, I suspect the profession is going to be much more stressful. I am "on the cusp" with regards to my chances for rehire. But I'm not sure I want to work in the public education system when it is headed in this direction. So now I'm looking at jobs in the field of education where I can work with kids in a non-public-classroom environment. Jobs whose goal is not to achieve the highest test scores, but to make education and learning fun. There's a good chance that if I get rehired, I will wind up going back into the classroom - with the current state of the economy, I'm not sure I could afford to pass up a paying job. But it would be nice if I had some other options to choose from.

Since I've been prepping for 4 days worth of subs (I'm going to a teacher training Monday - Thursday), I find that I have absolutely nothing interesting to talk about. *sigh* What a sad state of affairs. I guess I could tell you the cute way Vika pronounces "asparagus" ("spasketius") or how proud I was of the calm way Eamon reacted to a kid who was yelling in his face, but instead I leave you with this: a motivational poster of Boba Fett - my favorite character from Star Wars (simply because he had a jet pack, and my 7-year-old self thought that was just the COOLEST).


Hope you all had a good weekend! Perhaps after being "GLADified" next week I'll have more exciting blog fodder.

It's a new year, after all, and I want to start it off right. As I walked to my classroom today, I felt truly happy to be there. Looking at the kids made me smile, and Peter greeted me first thing with an enthusiastic, "Hi Mrs. P!" All in all, it was a good day back after a Winter Break full of ups and downs.

Having already told you about the lows, I'll give a quick recap of the highs from this holiday season.

• We had a wonderful Christmas Eve dinner, just the four of us. Jeff made roast duck, au gratin potatoes (with gruyere cheese), roast turnips, and the best rotkohl EVER. We were all fat and happy when the meal was done.
• Vika finally got the American Girl doll she's wanted for so long. We can't figure out how he did it, but somehow Santa managed to find a doll with dark brown hair, dark eyes and olive skin. Even after skimming through all her catalogues, Vika still cannot find another doll exactly like hers, so right now, she's feeling pretty special. She named her doll "Tory," a shortened form of her own name, Victoria. (Side note: this American Girl thing can get way out of hand. They have a treehouse for the dang dolls that costs $250!!!! They also must have some wicked cookie system because since helping Santa with his online gift research, no matter what website I go to, an American Girl ad pops up.).
• Eamon got a bunch of Star Wars legos, which kept him busy for hours and a Boba Fett costume from Santa. How St. Nick knew that Boba Fett was Mama's favorite Star Wars character is anyone's guess. ;)
• After hours spent in the women's sections of various stores (bless him), Jeff found me the perfect "grown-up" coat for Christmas. It's long, black and belted, and makes me look WAY more sophisticated than I actually am.
  
• Jeff and I also got BlackBerrys for Christmas (although they haven't yet arrived). I guess I'm going to have to take the same plunge Rachael did and learn how to send text messages.
  

Finally, I leave you with a somewhat amusing story from my class. Around the holidays, I give my students an ornament assignment. They are asked to design an ornament that in some way depicts their family's winter traditions. They later present the ornament to the class, sharing a little bit about their culture as they do so. After the presentations, all ornaments are hung on my class "Festivus" tree (An equal-opportunity, artificial tree with LED lights that change from blue to green to red to yellow. Classy!).

One of my students, we'll call him Mark, described his ornament in great theological detail. He told of all the traditions his family has to celebrate their religious faith during the Christmas season, and concluded his presentation by saying that every year his family makes a birthday cake for Jesus and sings "Happy Birthday" to Him on Christmas Day. At this point another student, who was listening attentively, cocked his head to the side with a confused look on his face and raised his hand. When Mark called upon him he asked, with genuine curiosity, "How many candles do you put on the birthday cake?" Mark thought a moment and then answered with a shrug, "Like 20." While this answer confused me (I mean, obviously 2008 candles is excessive, but what about 1? And who blows out the candles?), it seemed to satisfy the other student, who nodded in complete understanding.

"Kid logic" at it's finest.


Eamon as Boba Fett

For all the conflicting emotions I’ve been having about school lately, this week my colleagues did something so touching, that I think my heart actually may have grown two sizes bigger.

Remember my student, “Peter?” Well, he’s still a challenge for me every day. But I really like the kid. He’s completely honest and while his ADHD is one of the most severe cases I’ve ever seen, he genuinely wants to do well. He just doesn’t always have control of himself. Adding to this is the fact that he and his mother are homeless. They fled an abusive father in another state and have been staying at various homeless shelters in our area since September. One shelter was clear across town, and Peter walked 2 hours, in the chilly morning air, to get to school. His determination to attend class amazed me. But I also felt bad that he had to walk so far, and for so long. I mentioned to him that there might be another school closer to the shelter that he could go to, so that way he wouldn’t have to walk so far. Peter looked up at me with a slightly panicked expression and said, “But I don’t want to go to another school. I want to stay here.”

It was then that I realized that our school, and my class, is probably the only consistency he has in his life. And I could see how important that was to him. I quickly assured Peter that I didn’t want him to go to another school either, but that I didn’t like the idea of him having to walk so far. Soon afterwards, he and his mother began renting a room in the apartment where another student lives.

Despite his big heart and good intentions, Peter constantly gets into trouble, and as a result, spends a lot of time in the office. The school secretary (L) and clerk (M) have gotten to know him quite well, and L even served him dinner once while volunteering at a local homeless shelter. The three of us often talk about Peter and his situation, and while he drives us nuts sometimes, it’s clear that we all feel a certain fondness for him as well.

On Thursday, when I was in the office doing some work, M came up to me and said that there was a green duffle bag for Peter by her desk. I went to get it, thinking it was his things from the shelter, but instead found that it was an enormous duffle bag filled with clothing and a new backpack. L and M had collected various items for Peter to give him for the holidays. They also had a bag containing a shiny wrapped gift for Peter (it was a basketball) and another Christmas gift for his mother (a warm sweatshirt). I was completely stunned by their generosity. The fact that they took the time to get these things and help make the holidays brighter for him and his mother left me speechless (no easy feat), and I stood in the office sputtering for a moment, trying to find words to express my gratitude. M just smiled and shook her head, so I loaded myself up with the packages and went back to class to deliver them to Peter.

When I handed the duffle bag to Peter, he was confused. “What’s this?” he asked. “I’m not sure.” I replied. “It looks like Santa may have come a bit early this year.” Understanding slowly dawned on his face, and Peter broke into a big smile. On Friday, he came to school proudly spinning the new basketball on his finger (and laughed at me when I protested that he wasn’t supposed to open the gift until Christmas).

Even though they don’t know of this blog’s existence, I’d like to publicly applaud L and M. They not only made a difference in this boy’s life, but they reminded me of how lucky I am to work with such wonderful people. It was an amazing Christmas moment – one I won’t ever forget.

It's finally here - Winter Break. After all the bad news we received last week, I find I need this break now more than ever. I'm looking forward to two weeks of hanging with the family, working on projects, and enjoying the holidays.

Our halls are officially decked. Here's the artificial tree that I swore I'd never purchase and now am completely in love with. It's nearly 10 feet tall, and the lights twinkle. When I saw that it was selling for $200 more than we paid for it last year, my love for the tree grew. Who knew we were getting such a bargain? Plus, now I don't have to deal with all the pine needles my cats hack up after chewing on a real tree.

Our stockings have been hung by the chimney with care.

I bought these from Pottery Barn Kids during the month between our first trip to Russia and bringing the kids home. And I've received e-mails from Pottery Barn Kids nearly every week since. During this past month, I've received them DAILY. It's getting a bit irritating, but honestly, seeing this stocking after meeting with this little girl, how could I refuse? Pretty much it was Vika's pom-poms that sealed the deal. I'm such a sucker.
















And last, but not least, a few knitting projects I've recently completed. First, a button-tab Banana Republic knock-off hat that I made for my BFF, Mel. The second is an ear-flap hat I made for Eames. It's my first ear-flap hat, but I think it came out pretty well.












Next on my list is a "Brain Monster" hat for my soon-to-be-born nephew, Tyson. It's a hat that looks like a monster is eating the child's head. Appropriate? Probably not. But I find it amusing anyways.

Whenever a situation seems really bad, this movie title from an episode of “Seinfeld” always comes to mind. Unfortunately, I received news this week that leads me to believe that the prognosis for my career is very negative, indeed. I don't know if any of you have heard about the budget crisis in California, but it's affecting public schools in a big way. The budget cuts that just went through dropped our state to 46th in the nation for funding per student. If the proposed additional cuts go through (which looks quite likely given California's current economic woes), we'll drop to 50th in the nation. That's right. Our state, which is something like the 6th largest economy in the world, will rank 50th in the country for per-student funding. I think the problem is that all the people with money in this state send their kids to private school. They think that cuts to public schools don't affect them. However, what is being created is a greater class divide, where the "haves" get the good educations, and the "have-nots" get the shaft.

Can you tell I'm a little disgusted by this whole situation? Here are some highlights we received this week from the list of proposed cuts:

• Laying off temporary teachers, maybe as early as mid-year (that means me. In our district all teachers are "temporary" until they've worked full-time for 2 years. At that point, they become "probationary.")
• Getting rid of class-size reduction in K-3rd grade and 9th grade. This means the classes would all be 30 kids to 1 teacher, unlike the current 20-1.
• Eliminating kindergarten altogether. Kindergarten is not mandatory, so the state could save some money by cutting it from the public school system and making it something parents have to pay for privately.
• Loss of librarians, music, drama, art, and technology classes. Also on the chopping block are school counselors and nurses (although we currently only have our nurse for an hour or two a week, so this may not make much of a difference).
• Cutting all athletic programs and electives in high school. This has already happened in a San Jose school district, where all high school athletic programs were cut this week. I feel bad for all those kids who may have received college scholarships based upon athletic ability.
• A 4-8% salary decrease for all district employees.
• Loss of prep classes. This means that teachers would lose their preparation time during the day, and that the kids would lose their P.E., Science Lab, and Computer classes.

Needless to say, the future for public education in California looks pretty bleak. This concerns me on so many levels, first of all because I may not have a job after March of this year. My bigger concern though is for my kids and my students. I don’t like the idea of them receiving their education in a public school system that is not funded or valued. It seems that it is more important for our governor to avoid raising taxes than it is to ensure a good education to ALL children in our state, not just the ones whose families can afford private school.

It’s a disturbing situation all around, and I’m scrambling right now to find a Plan B and a Plan C. Hopefully it won’t be long before the pendulum swings the other way and education once again becomes more of a priority for our lawmakers.

This week, I sent home notices for Parent-Teacher Conferences. The father of one of my students, who mainly speaks Punjabi, came in to my room this morning to ask about times when we could meet. I went to my calendar to check dates, and after I pointed out a few to him, he smiled and asked if he could have my calendar. My HARRY POTTER CALENDAR.

Naturally, I said "No." But he kept persisting. Finally I made it understood that I would not be giving him my Harry Potter calendar. I told him that I bought it at Border's, and thought maybe he might be able to find one there as well. Still smiling, he shook his head "No." Then he did the most unexpected thing: he asked me to go to the store and buy him a calendar! Positive I must have misunderstood, I repeated again that he could find a similar calendar at Border's.

This time his response was very clear: "You go and buy me one because I don't know my way around yet and I can't find this store." Does he think that purchasing items for parents falls in my job description under the heading, "Other duties as assigned?"

I'm sure this was a cultural issue - maybe the school that his son attended in India provided such items for their families? All I know is that it caught me completely off-guard and I wasn't sure how to respond.

After about 5 minutes of this back and forth, it became quite clear that he was not leaving my room without a calendar in hand. Finally, I remembered the Water District Calendar that had been given to me at the beginning of the year, and which I had hanging on the bulletin board. In a desperate attempt to get him to vacate my classroom, I pulled the calendar off the wall and shoved it into his hands. He smiled, said "thank you," and then left.

*sigh* I think I may have just set a very bad precedent....

Things began to go a bit better today. It's not that any problems at school were resolved - far from it. But I've kind of graduated into the "acknowledge and move on" phase. Sure there are things about education that suck, and I may not stay in this profession forever. But while I’m at it, I’ve got to do the best job possible and try to keep the complaints to a minimum. They don’t really change anything anyway (but it does feel good to vent sometimes).

So now, the kids are in bed, Jeff just left to meet with a client, and I’m about to settle down to an evening of “Survivor” and knitting. But I thought I’d check on Rupert (my cat) first. I heard some hacking noises upstairs and wanted to make sure the poor guy was feeling OK. I hunkered down next to him and began petting his chin, just the way he likes it. He lifted his head, in what I thought was feline bliss... and then proceeded to projectile vomit all over my hand.

It was not pleasant. In fact, I almost got sick right along with him.

*sigh* I need to remember my mantra: Acknowledge and move on.... Acknowledge and move on....

And I'm going to do that. As soon as I'm done cleaning up the mess.

Ever feel like you’re spinning your wheels with no hope of moving forward? That’s how I felt for much of last week. School has really been difficult for me lately. First of all, there’s Peter, who has a diagnosis of ADHD, and who is not on medication. His mother says she has no control of him at home and is at her wits' end. I understand how she feels. Nearly every other word out of my mouth is directed towards Peter: “Please hold your pencil still,” or “I need you to take out your book,” or “The ruler is for measuring, not for hitting your neighbor.” Peter requires so much of my time and energy that frequently the rest of the class is pushed aside to deal with him. Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that not all of his behaviors are related to his diagnosis. When I told him that he would not be able to join our class party if he continued to break our rules, his behavior miraculously improved. While he still didn’t do any class work, he also did not hit, tap, shake, or throw anything for an entire hour!

However today, with no party looming in the near future, he pulled his sweatshirt hood over his head, pulled the strings tight so his face was completely covered, and tied his head to the leg of his desk. All of this was accomplished during the 2 minutes I spent helping another student with a difficult math problem.

Last week was also filled with meeting upon meeting. On Friday alone I had 5 meetings! This was in addition to teaching school all day. As a result, I spent the entire day Sunday grading the tests and papers I was not able to do after school last week.

Basically, I’m having a career crisis. It seems like as teachers, we are being asked to do more and more in order to “close the achievement gap” or make sure that no child gets “left behind.” However, as they pile more and more requirements on us, our test scores drop further and further. Maybe it’s because we don’t have enough time to simply teach.

Part of the reason why I got into this profession was so that I could have more time with my family. I didn’t anticipate working from 8 am until 5:30 pm every day, and then grading for 7-12 hours on the weekend. It seems that to keep up with school, something has to be sacrificed, and right now, that is my time with my family. I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm in the wrong line of work. Or maybe I'm just teaching in the wrong state. California places way more requirements on it's teachers, with less funding per student, than practically any other state.

Maybe I should just chuck it all in and open a Bed and Breakfast in some charming location? Or perhaps I should just suck it up and get back to grading papers.

I don't know. Enough of the pity party....

On the up side, I recently joined Facebook, and last week, I reconnected with friends that I have not seen nor heard from in 20 years! A couple of them were very good childhood friends, who were almost like a second family to my mom, brother and I. We all moved to other states and drifted apart, but have often wondered about each other over the years. It’s been wonderful to find them and see how they are doing. I haven’t really been into the whole “networking site” thing, but over the past month, I have been converted.

Pictures from Eamon's birthday and the Pumpkin Patch are coming soon!